If I were a Weather Teller….

Standard

Yes I know that people who “tell weather” are actually called Meteorologists.  I think a Weather Teller sounds better.  I mean you don’t call a Bank Teller a deposit and money keeper!  Geez people.  Plus, now a days we need simple lingo.  You know so the uneducated lazy average joe can understand!

I think it would be cool to be wrong 75% of the time and still be able to keep my job.  I think that would be a fabulous!….Can you think of any other time where that would be ok??

For an instance, this is a real report from the National Weather Service:

Special weather alert (from the NWS): … GUSTY WINDS EXPECTED TODAY… SUSTAINED WINDS UP TO 25 MPH WITH WIND GUSTS UP TO 40 MPH WILL BE POSSIBLE. WITH SOILS SATURATED DUE TO RECENT RAINFALL… WIND GUSTS OF THIS MAGNITUDE MAY BE ABLE TO BRING DOWN TREES. IN ADDITION… UNSECURED OUTDOOR OBJECTS WILL LIKELY BE BLOWN ABOUT.

For an instance, if CatMan was doing the weather telling:

“LISTEN UP! WEATHER GODS ARE ANGRY!”  WIND WILL BLOW YOUR BIG BOOTY OVER TODAY SO BETTER STAY INSIDE.  YOU DID NOT NEED THAT CHEESEBURGER FOR LUNCH, SO MAKE A SALAD.  WINDS COULD END UP GETTING UP TO THE SPEED LIMIT DOWN ON FRITZ SO LOOK OUT! (40 MPH).  RAIN HAS MADE THE SOIL WET (WELL DUH! THAT’S WHAT IT DOES, I MEAN LAST TIME I CHECKED!).  WINDS OF THIS FORCE PROBABLY WILL BLOW YOUR TREES OVER THAT WILL FALL ON TO YOUR POWER LINES.  POWER LINE’S JUST IN CASE YOUR MOM DIDN’T TELL YOU….YOU DON’T TOUCH THEM THEY WILL HURT YOU!  IF YOU HAVE TRASH, DRESSED UP GEESE, CHAIRS, PLANTS ON YOUR PORCH…YOU MAY WANT TO BRING THEM IN AS YOUR NEIGHBORS WILL NOT HAVE STOLEN THEM, THE WIND WILL HAVE.  IF YOU WEIGH UNDER 100LB OR ARE A SMALL CHILD…STAY IN SIDE OR YOU WILL BE FLYING LIKE MERRY POPPIN’S.  THANK YOU.

I don’t like when people try to speak above me or the subject matter that is so literal.  Just say what you mean and don’t give me the flowery malarkey…save that for someone else thanks!  I like it when people are right to the point, no sales pitch involved, just wham!  (Can you tell I just got back from a Trade Show?) So remember, just keep things simple.  That is always best.  No one likes someone who thinks they are smarter than they are because they use big words or words that make something sound more sophisticated than the subject matter is.  Just be yourself (no matter how plain and simple you are), say what you mean, and the rest will take care of the rest!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzNYfMTWpVs

CatMan

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2 thoughts on “If I were a Weather Teller….

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