A Loving Husband

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I first want to preface this with a note.  A friend posted this on the Book of Face this morning.  Never take anyone in your life for granted.  Take every little moment to say “I love you” and never stop trying.  This could be applicable to every relationship you have.  I hope you were as affected as I was when I first read this.  

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“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us part.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.”

Where The Gardener and Pool Boy Meet…

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I have a great inside joke with Super Woman!  First of all, I must tell you I can come up with a witty innuendo for anything.  This one just came to me one day as she was discussing inviting a younger male friend to hang poolside with her last summer.  While she was waiting for his arrival, we had a few short minutes to text.

There is a good….let’s say…..10 years difference between the two of them.  I simply told her that it was very “Desperate Housewives” of her to be hanging with him on the sly.  That’s where I mentioned, “I am now changing your friend’s name to the ‘Gardener'” All she could do was laugh and all I could do was just so honestly come up with humorous responses.  I could have just imagined her face turning bright red….trying to hold back completely laughing out loud…and covering up what the REAL reason for laughing was…”Are your flower’s blooming?  Are they in need of a prune?”  I had myself laughing about it too.  Don’t you love to get people to laugh full bellied??  So as this joke now continued…

Super Woman can kick anyones buttocks at 2 things: running any sort of distance and working out.  She is the queen of Boot Camp.  We always laugh about the “cute men” at the gym who make it easy to work out in the same facility.  It makes it bearable in any circumstance for a single female to see a cute guy in front of her on a neighboring treadmill…(thinking to yourself, “that is the prize!  go get him!  If you run harder, you will get to him faster!”)  It is about that time then either one of 3 things happens: 1) you drop your iPod,  2) trip and fly off the treadmill (this is usually what happens to me), OR 3) fake an asthma attack because you are done running hard.  OK or the 4th situation, where you get a bloody wedgie while running.  That is really comfortable and sexy!!  NOT. (Please read manual on “How NOT to pick up Men at the Gym”, page 309, paragraph 2)

One cute guy at her gym, for name’s sake, we just call him the Pool Boy.  The cabana boy that just makes it a little sweeter sweating a little more.  He is an instructor and friend of Super Woman.  If you would see him, you would totally understand!  Needless to say, neither one of these individuals could be considered a love interest; however each of them provide hours of giggling, beginning of inside jokes, as well as have our undivided attention.  While both the Gardener and Pool Boy are very ‘serious’ individuals, we are not.  We can’t be.  Super Woman and I could probably entertain each other with our goof ball comments and support for hours upon hours!  I am so grateful to have a friend like that.

I think humor sometimes is the best way to lighten the mood up down and around life’s woes.  It is a natural coping mechanism to which can allow one to laugh the misery off and find something to be grateful for when they are feeling down.  The Gardner and the Pool Boy are just a teeny-weeny thing we did to create some humor in our lives aside from the very realization that being a single woman now in this transitional part of our life kind of sucks.  I am glad to be going thru it though.  Maybe I will never be tamed! I am me and I have accepted/laughed at it.  I am comfortable and OK with that.  🙂

One thing we have decided, this must be a world-wide epidemic too, that finding real men our age willing to step up to the plate ready to take a try are few and far between!  It is not just city-wide or the place where you are at right now.  It is everywhere!  It is a true epidemic.  Sure the Gardener and the Pool Boy are nice, but it would be nice to have a “Stand By Me” man who was willing to go thru the ups-and-downs of life with you too.  I would at least like to have a “melt moment” once in a while…is that too much to ask??

❤ The CatMan

 

Don’t Confuse your path…

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Life is a long journey.  We have paths that we take all the time.  Some more brutal than others.  You might consider transitions to be these paths where either you know you are walking into a hell-storm or it’s the calming before the storm or even just a beautiful walk in the park…I would like to have more of these please!  🙂  These periods of storm and peacefulness in contrast, are life in its purest form.

Nothing will be perfect, ever.  You can plan all you want and those plans will always change.  Choose to be flexible.  Choose to look past your current storm or transition and see the hope of a rainbow at the end.  If we focus on the dirt or pain of the moment, we lose sight of what is most important: survival.  This too shall pass.  Keep your chin up, keep persevering…stand a little taller and trust a little deeper.  Where ever you are at in your journey, embrace it.  Make the most of it and learn all you can from it.  Don’t let your  lack of sight through the downpour stop you…just keep going!

Today, “Don’t confuse your path with your destination.  Just because it’s stormy now doesn’t mean you aren’t headed for sunshine.”  -Unknown

❤ The CatMan

Attitude of Gratitude

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I have a total an complete attitude of gratitude today. I have spent time with my sister and today we are getting our nails done. When we got here, old friends too were here and how precious they are. I truly am blessed for these little moments. 🙂 that is all!

Happy Saturday!

Ignorance is not bliss…

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“Where there is charity and wisdom, there is neither fear nor ignorance.”
St. Francis of Assisi

On a side note, today started with laughter and it continues to do so.  A friend of mine’s texts just made me crack up!  Life is so very funny and it makes me glad knowing other people that have “incidentals” that they can share that don’t make my incidentals feel like I am the only one that accidentally wears a black undergarment under a white shirt either.  🙂  Super Woman just is the best.  That all being said, this is just my thoughts this morning.

It amazes me the amount of sheer ignorance people have.  Life for me has been so busy, hence why you haven’t heard from me in a while.  I started school in August and I am going proudly for Cosmetology.  I am excited at this change.  I personally figured out how to pay for my schooling.  I figured that out and made it work.  I do not expect anyone to help me pay this money back.  I do not expect or think that I am entitled to have anything.  I have been blessed to be given what I have and for that I make the most of it.  Some people simply don’t get it.  People become victims of their own excuses because they are lazy and don’t want to work for it.  Lazy never gets anyone anywhere.

Managing one’s resources is key to our very survival.  Managing our views and perceptions as well becomes a large part of this equation as well.  It seems there is a large amount of mismanagement and fear driven actions going on in this world today.  Also, it might be a lack of awareness and rising above the negative to really get results.  I, first of all, want to say that is hardly the way we should be living as we will be constant slaves to our current state, if that is truly the case.  Learning the basics of what our strengths, weaknesses, perception of self, what we NEED to survive…etc…we need to be able to personally identify these items within ourselves so we can make the most of our resources given.  It would be a complete shame for us to look and say “I have nothing to offer” as even the smallest most amount of anything.  Kindness is one thing anyone can offer and it doesn’t cost a thing!  But, I must remind you though, kindness is sometimes very hard when we are looking at someone we do not like.  If it is truly a gift then we should give it freely despite who it is toward.

I am learning that ignorance is one of the leading diseases to living is fear and death in our world.  Side affects include: apathy, negativity, anger, lack of understanding, sarcasm, laziness, unhappiness….etc.  If you think you are living in this state, you are wrong!  You are a mere zombie.  If you are truly living, what are you afraid of?  If you have all your ducks in a row, you do everything as you ought to and you pray daily…God never says it will be easy, but you will always be taken care of.  These security blankets of “stuff” you possess cannot be taken with you so why should we worry about what happens to a book, a hat, a new shirt…because of pride, that is why.  We take great pride in ourselves to which if in check is a very good thing.  We cannot let pride be the main objective; however or else it will become like fear and consume us wholly.  In the end, these negative feelings hinder our ability to see what we can posses and give others.

Today, I will personally stop making excuses and raise my level of personal awareness and show compassion and kindness toward those who aren’t there yet.  I can give that much.  I can do so generously without money either.  Isn’t that the greatest gift that keeps on giving anyways?

Give what you have and all will come back to you.  Let us not be victims of our own circumstance.  Let’s treat the disease and move forward.  Let us release the negativity and offer it up. I always find the more I give the struggles up, the more it is thrown back as positives.  At the end of the day, the positives are what propel you, drive you, and make a difference.  Keep your head and chin up.  Stay on your knees and let’s work through the ignorance together.  By raising our awareness, we will increase in wisdom and give more charity in return.

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Affirmation and Mantra for today:  “Let me raise my personal awareness.  Let me not be a victim of circumstance and negativity.  Let me give gifts of compassion and kindness to all I encounter.  Let me walk fearless knowing God is with me always.”

❤ The CatMan