45: When a man loves a woman…

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Love can come in all shapes and forms. Love can be romantic, caring, laughter (yes EVEN in the form of laughter), as well as many others.

I would like to ask, why do our hearts want what isn’t always best for us? Why are good girls attracted to those men to which don’t want to commit and take care of us….? I mean they are there because they are getting something in return or something along those lines.

Why do we have to go through what we do as life just seems at times we just cannot catch a break!??? I will tell you why…because two things always remain–hope and will power. Why did I spend last year upset over Valentines Day? Because my boyfriend broke-up with me via text message. That bastard didn’t even have the nerve to call and do it. He is a coward. I still see good in him and I will pray for him, but that is as far as I will go. He didn’t love himself, so how could he ever love me? He couldn’t.

Why did I after two years of another relationship call it quits? Because a little piece of me died with that one. A relationship to which someone cannot be themselves around is not a relationship. It is self destruction and bad for your self esteem. It is a negative all around and I am happy to tell you that that over grown selfish boy is out of my life. We decided to be adults and remain friends after the break up. That didn’t work. He found a new girlfriend who didn’t want me there. Rightfully so. I respect that. I don’t respect someone not standing up for a friendship though or keeping their promises. We went as far as making a contract. Didn’t hold up I am afraid. This was also the man a month before his wedding, reaching out and telling me how much he missed me….right. Totally inappropriate for a soon to be married man. Totally inappropriate. Tisk tisk.

Why did I date someone in college long distance who didn’t have focus or direction, who sang in a band, and was wild? Because I myself was reckless. I learned a lot from that relationship too. I will warn you–just don’t go there.

Why also did I not see the writing on the wall as I crawled through a basement window sneaking in to watch a movie at a summer crush’s grandparents house? Why would they cared if we watched a movie?! Duh!!! I get it now!!! Yes I was really naive to think that was a good decision. I still laugh about that one! Goes to show you, live and learn.

Those are a few of my personal woes with relationships and little tidbits I learned from them. None were really love or could produce love. Love doesn’t grow on rocky ground either. Found that out for good this time.

There were a few scattered in between there….like the guy who bought me pizza once and the bought me this big bouquet of tulips! They were beautiful, but I totally didn’t respond in the way he wanted. It was my way of politely turning him down.

Great things have always come out of these great disasters. For one, out of one broken relationship, I began this blog! CatMan, The Rose Bandit was a product of a broken heart. Maybe I will share with you why I chose the name I did at a later point in time. Another great product of a broken heart, going back to school for cosmetology. I must admit, I have made it to the other side because I never gave up and I never lost hope.

I know now what I want. I know exactly what priorities I need. How? I have done a lot of soul searching. I have prayed a lot for help. A LOT. I have always asked why. I ask a ton of questions and I have always been picky. Not just anyone can snag the likes of the CatMan. It will have to take a real man this time!

Lastly, I leave you with this thought and sentiment from the great Fulton Sheen. I love his stuff!

Have a very wonderful Valentine’s Day!

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