My Love story is boring….I think

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Today, I post a link to another individuals blog.  I want to encourage you to listen to what she is saying as it is so profound.  http://lisajobaker.com/2013/07/when-you-think-your-love-story-is-boring/

What is love?

What is love?

It amazes me at our perception of what love is when we are young verse what it REALLY means when we are older.  We have to be such drama queens/kings when we are young. We desire everything to be BIG moments.  Love is reflected in the little acts.  Like being there to hold our hand, giving us hugs, and providing us with support in hard times.  It is also loving through the hard moments and not leaving our side.  It is loyalty.  Support.  It is all seemingly undramatic and ordinary tasks.  Love is found in the little actions.

“Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.”
― Mother Teresa

❤ CatMan

The Updo, grown-up diapers, and stay tuned!

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I would like to invite you all to read my guest blog on my girl Erica’s site.  For anyone who is indecisive, needing assistance picking or choosing a style, and still expects to look good!  Check it out!

http://esmithlifestyle.blogspot.com

I will have a more inspiring post coming up!  Stay tuned for the usual inspiration infused with a bit of humor.  I know my posts have been quite reflective….but I assure you this will be a doozie!  Patience I tell you…you will just wet yourself with laughter.  Wearing grown-up diapers might be recommended. 😉

❤ Hugs,

Catman

Love is…motivation and a verb!

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I am still venting over a situation that happened later in the day yesterday.  I am no longer angry….but in a simple sense I am now left motivated. 🙂

Love is a Verb...this motivates me to continue to love when others cannot!

Love is a Verb…this motivates me to continue to love when others cannot!

A friend to whom I considered a pretty close friend and I got into it.  Long story short, he hit a transition in his life and is acting out.  He is hurt and being reckless.  I have been trying to care enough to reach out.  I wanted to reach out to make sure he was OK.  He stopped talking to me.  I knew something was up.  SO, I see that he is magically in a relationship on the Book of Face.  I am sorry, but I had to do what I did.  If I was in a smacking distance, he would have gotten a smack for sure.

Last time, I saw this friend was in April.  It had been since college since the last time I saw him.  At least 5 years…or so.  To make a long story short, we both exchanged “I love you’s” and a kiss or so.  That always makes things more complicated.  We have known each other for almost 8 years and he pulled this card.  We didn’t talk about the kiss or exchange of words or anything until I brought it up yesterday in a moment of complete courage and honesty.  He knows I care enough….but right now, I stand for a truth he cannot yet face.  Hence why the label would be “overbearing” and the underlying emotion is a combo of anger, guilt, and “immediate physical gratification”.  

At this point, he is in a high level of uncertainty and hurt.  Dealing with coming back from deployment transition, a break-up over that deployment, missing his family as he is no where near them, and coming up on the crossroad of a career change.  That is a hell of a lot to process alone.  He is putting himself through this complete hell.  So like a good friend, I reach out and try to be loving.  That is just me being me being me.

For the first time in my life, since knowing Dr. Pepper, this is the first time it has gotten remotely hard to love on him.  The conversation yesterday made me initially angry.  I was so furious with him.  He knew I was mad too.  He claimed it was because I was passionate–I was overbearing.  That is not it at all.  I am a passionate person yes.  But I am coming across “overbearing” because I care too much when he doesn’t care at all.

Now, Saturday night into Sunday morning, I couldn’t sleep.  So, I wrote a letter.  I wrote an unsent letter to him.  July 7, 2013.  I wrote out the very things I wanted so badly to tell him explaining my actions and observations, yet time didn’t allow it.  The time was not right to send it.  So now, I sit here with a letter that does no good and a feud with a long time friend over what??   Me trying to make an attempt at being a better friend to him.  The same night as the letter, I heard in my heart that I am not praying enough.  I needed to really try to pray much more.  NOW I see why!!

I must confess I can feel Dr. Pepper in my heart.  I felt the restlessness prior to the letter and about 2 weeks leading up to this blow-up.  I feel confusion, tension, and most of all he is just uncertainty.  I let it it go.  I pray…then move on…

He said a lot of very funny things to me.  He said that when he said “I love you” it was only in the friend sort of way.  Um…then we kissed?  Friend’s don’t kiss or say I am glad this didn’t happen prior to this point either.  A mutual friend said his body language was not consistent with that comment.  Nonverbal language speak volumes.   And maybe it was awkward for him.

He really had the audacity to say “don’t be offended.  I don’t let people in”…After 8 years, how could I not be offended??  Then I asked him how he could be in a relationship if he “didn’t let people in”…that isn’t going to work unless the relationship is based around one thing and one thing hurt people know well (take it from someone who has been there) physical aspect only.  Carefree interaction.  Someone to hang out with and do things with. No honest commitment.  Simply IDEAL for someone who just doesn’t care.  It is horrible and in the end it just sucks even more.  

All you are doing is using each other to get by until your so miserable you can’t breathe and you either choose to move on or move to the next level.  I chose to move on in my situation.   It was masked by “I love you”  but, really it wasn’t that at all.  It was more infatuation than anything.  That is what I found out.  What a trick, thinking I actually cared about a person when all it did was leave me bruised and even more broken.  Learned a hell of a lot though about myself and what I didn’t want.

So what is the purpose in all of this?  To pray more and not worry about it.  Love is a verb remember!  Some get it and others do not.  We love them even more through prayer and that is all I have to say.  It no longer makes me angry as much as this situation motivates me to keep moving forward and pray harder for his tormented self.  Love is a choice.  It is better to choose to love through prayer and keep moving forward.

I suppose this was bound to happen eventually right?    🙂

ON a high note, I got closure with Nomad on Independence Day.  That was both rewarding and delightful. YAHOOOOOOO!  Clarity was finally achieved Captain!


CatMan

A Friend: Needs and Loves

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“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”
― Elbert Hubbard

There are some friends that just hang around.  They might not be consistently there in your life and yet they enter in and out when you need them the most.  Like a woven ribbon, in and out during periods of your life to which they need you or you need them.   Visualize.

When you look at your life and the plethora of situations, persons to which have broken your heart, those who have supported you through all of it….those who have been there when a family member passes away and it is hard.  Those who are there to listen, provide advice, pray with you, and those who understand.  A friend might not be there for all of your life, but those who are there through enough of the worst times and the good times will see your character and growth.  When you aren’t at your best and when you are at your best–that friend could care less as all they want to do is be there for you to love on you.  They chose to love you anyways.

A friend accepts you as you are when you meet them.  A friend understands you are as much of a work in progress as they are.  A true friend will be honest with you and be there when you need them the most.  A friend is able to love on you when far away.  A friend finds a way to remind you (when you aren’t feeling special or particularly positive about yourself) that you matter to them and “…without YOU friend, WITHOUT YOU, my life would be out of sorts.”  A friend will keep you in check when you are being a fool.  A friend will call you out when you aren’t being the best you can be, yet they will lovingly help you get to where you CAN be the best version of yourself at that moment in time if you allow them to help.  Whether this friend physically, spiritually, mentally or emotionally is connected with you (or all of the above)–whether you see them every day or not–a good friend is hard to come by.

Hang on to those friends when you find them; the ones who will love you no matter what you have become, continue to be, or desire to be.  They are our life line.  They are our sanctity, pleasure, grace.  Those relationships are the very glue that will help mold you and keep you growing.  Never take these friends for granted.

Reciprocation is also advised.  If you are given an opportunity where your friend needs you–be there for them as much as you are able to be.  It is in that rhythmic give and take of your friendship to which both parties will develop even more respect for one another…you will begin to have a relationship with this person which will mutually become even more meaningful.  So even though friends might not be there through it all, they might desire to be in the end.  That is the beauty of friendship.  It is the very foundation to which all things meaningful begin.

I challenge you today to evaluate your friendships.  Evaluate who is meaningful to you, who you haven’t been such a good friend to, and those who have the potential to be even more to you.  It will only enrich your life further.

❤ CatMan