“Restoring Dignity: Coping with Cancer”

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Dear Rose Bandit Readers and EXTRAORDINARY Fan Club members and admirers of CatMan herself,

Please visit my dear friend Erica’s Fitness & Lifestyle blog to which I have become a weekly guest blogger!  This week’s post is titled “Restoring Dignity: Coping with Cancer” on http://esmithlifestyle.blogspot.com.

I hope you find it as interesting as I do.  This blog is a collaborative effort of various individuals striving to make a positive impact.

Enjoy!
CatMan

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Getting married, lessons in LOVE!!, and trying to achieve something to alleviate “brain dead”

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I have until April 13th until I will resume some normalcy in my life.  You see, my sister is getting married so we are winding down as details are finalized, final arrangements have been made and now the stress and excitement have met hand in hand!   MY SISTER IS GETTING MARRIED!!!  Clearly, you cannot tell I am not excited at all.  My “extra” time has been spent with working out, tanning, and finalizing details with the Bachelorette Party, bridesmaid’s hair stuff, and other minor details…as you can imagine just trying not to go brain-dead has been a seemingly ‘hard to achieve’.  I really need to invent a pill for that or maybe sleep is the answer….can anyone give me some assistance here???

I have been learning a lot about love though in the days that I have not shared. Below are a few gems that I have found to “tie” you over until I am back to “normal”  hahaha……I am far from normal and that is why I laughed.  🙂

 

lovetobefearedfeartobeloved St. Augustine quote Thomas Merton Love CSLewisQuote

 

Lastly, here is a beautiful inspiration that I found to which I want each and every single one of you to remember when you catch yourself complaining, moaning and groaning about problems or things not going as planned…well here is a girl at 14 years old who has met her demise yet, has chosen not to allow it to defeat her spirit.  Could you have been that way if faced with that situation??  http://gma.yahoo.com/teen-terminal-cancer-heads-prom-ride-bucket-list-004236847–abc-news-topstories.html

Hope you have a fabulous day,

CatMan, The Rose Bandit

A Loving Husband

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I first want to preface this with a note.  A friend posted this on the Book of Face this morning.  Never take anyone in your life for granted.  Take every little moment to say “I love you” and never stop trying.  This could be applicable to every relationship you have.  I hope you were as affected as I was when I first read this.  

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“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us part.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.”

About par for the course….

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This morning, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  I woke up disgruntled and irritated.  Then I went to the bathroom and started to brush my teeth.  I noticed after I was done that I used the wrong toothbrush.  Yep, the wrong toothbrush.

I took my car in and a new oil pan is in order….something clinked it.  Great.

Next, I was just irritated for no reason then the story became a trickle down effect.  I was cussing up a storm just because frankly I didn’t care.  I read an article in the news that really aggravated me, someone said something that was just caddy, then out of no where it started to rain….again.

Original plans were as follows:
-Drop car off
-Finish my work and correspondence
-lunch
-Go drop groceries off at Herb’s
-Pick up samples and go home for the day

Made some email correspondence to pick up some samples and that ended up being one huge mess.  Came back from lunch.  I get an email….”hey we want to leave by 2pm so, please pick them up before that point!  Thanks, see you then!”  Left right away and I wrote down the wrong number, walked into the wrong place then, went to the chamber.  It was across the street so, that wasn’t bad.  Then, I knocked.  And knocked. I called my contact twice while there and no answer…then I got in my car and started back to work.  This wouldn’t have been such a bad situation if I didn’t have to drive 1/2 hour to get there and change my original plans around significantly.   Well she called me back and met me half way.  No real conversation was exchanged except for a thanks.  1 hour and a half of another later…I was finally off to visit Herb.

Pretty well sums it up! Image from: http://www.gettyimages.com/detail/200438276-001/Stone

On the drive back into town, I had ripe bananas that were in the car stinking it up.  FYI, I was driving my dad’s car since mine was still in the shop.  My dad CANNOT STAND the smell of bananas…so I roll the windows down.  Then it started raining, so I roll the windows up.  This happened about 5 times.  By this time I am yelling at the skies above me “would you make up your freaking minds!!!  I am trying to avoid a PROBLEM here!?”  Then kept driving.  OH then I forgot!  MY CELL PHONE DIED.  Great.  Just great.

I proceeded to drive straight to work and had my sister drop me off to get my car then I drove straight to Herb’s humble abode.  No time wasted at all.  Herb calls with 2 seconds left of juice on my phone and I show up looking like I had been in a tornado.  Bananas and groceries in hand, no one really said anything.  I did see one of my favorite residence (he totally put me in a great mood) Jimbo who was pulling weeds and checking on his tomato plants.  He is such a kind soul.  He has terminal cancer and just is doing his thing.  Only a matter of time I suppose.  Upon talking to him, I zipped up to see Herb where the only prophetic thing I could say was “Holy Fuck”.  Yup.  That was exactly what I said.  He looked at me with his head turned to the side confused…then he repeated, “HOLY FUCK?, holy fuck??  Sit down lets talk about it.”

I explained my whole day and why it was just so crazy.  We were laughing so hard we were crying.  It was the perfect end to the day.  Then I flat-out told him I was on the rag (because this is the kind of relationship we have) and he just looked and said guys have their own cycle too.  Made me feel better.  He just knows how to cheer me up.  It was just what I needed.  Then we had to get him off to a hair apt. downstairs.  As we got into the elevator, he just repeated “holy fuck” twice under his breath and shook his head.  He was giggling.  I reminded him that was our little secret…hahaha.  Oh man did he get a kick out of that!

I love that man dearly.  I am so blessed to have a friend such as he!

OVER AND OUT HOMIE!

THE CatMan

Marriage…

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MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.– At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.