OK I would be lying to you if I told you this was an amazing week. There are some things that I say “why did I have to go through that, no but seriously?” It’s like being caught off guard unexpectedly without a moments notice and yet you are still supposed to remain composed at the very moment to which this sneak surprise attack occurs. Some times we might not know and others well….are pretty blatant. Lessons learned…this was a rough week. When dealing with a rough week that you wished it was over at Monday, just take everything in stride.
Tonight for whatever my heart, mind and soul cannot settle in…one last push before Easter Sunday? Perhaps. I suppose my hear is listening too intently to all that surrounds me. Well what does it hear? It hears music. As I close my eyes, I curl up next to my computer. I am comfortable. I am alone. It feels good to have some me time. I feel like my mind needs to sort out the voices and such…you know when it just all gets to be too much and that adds to an already rough spot in the day. I am almost comatose at the comfortable state. For whatever reason, I am in the “remember this?” mood. One where as weird as this sounds, I wish I was sitting around a campfire and just laughing about all the things we used to do as kids, as young adults and in contrast to our “big kid” lives how much has or hasn’t changed. I wish I could say that this is a good mood (and it is a good mood, don’t get me wrong!) but it’s bittersweet!
I am emotionally carrying a lot right now. Why? Partly due to myself and my thinker, but the other part of me is feeling the depths of the scars and impressions people leave on me. I feel their smears and fingerprints. Heard of the term “life’s messy?” I clearly remember them (I think the fish oil is working!) I am forever changed because of simply meeting these people. I have learned so many lessons and just over all how to live! I learned how to be a confidant. I learned what it was not to care what anyone else thought except to be myself. I can think of a handful of individuals that if they would have never stepped foot in my life, I would not be the person I was today. I feel blessed. I feel so thankful. These people whether they understood the amount of impact they had on me or not are the ones that made CatMan who she is today.
I have a friend that is dealing with a hardship of a sick grandparent. This is a feeling that I know all too well. I sit here not necessarily stunned as I have been through it. It is a horrible and helpless waiting game. You never have certainty of the moment but all you can do is hope you have the chance to say good bye. This situation brought back so many wonderful ones of me getting picked up by my grandma and us playing card games and eating Taco Hell….or waking up for Saturday Cartoons while she made us pancakes. Or my grandpa….oh my poor grandpa…we used to give him so much grief! We used to lick our hands and make his hair look like a troll, or while he was relaxing reading the paper….flick his paper and startle him! 🙂 We weren’t ornery at all…Or Herb my pseudo-gramps…oh so many fond memories of assisting that old cuss. So much laughter and fond memories. It was all OK because Herb said so.
My only living grandparent I have left is my grandma (mom’s mom). Since Herb passed (which hit me really hard) I have been trying to soak up as much time with the people who are important to me. This really puts things into perspective. My grandma is a saint. She gave birth to 12 children she seriously is amazing. She is a simply the best. She would do anything for anyone. She will pray for you if you need prayers and whether you have a lunch date or not she has one already packed because she is up at 4am and “couldn’t go back to sleep” And her dog-dog, don’t even get me started there…sigh…that stinking dog of hers….and good ole grandpa and his pipe. Their house always smelled of pipe! That smell to this day just really makes me feel at peace…he was one that left this world way too soon.
I wish I would have appreciated them more when they were still around. They were amazing people who simply gave everything they had/have to enjoy our time together. Grandparents are something so cherished. And if you don’t cherish yours then you got issues. They will always hold a special place in our hearts.
The “remember this?” mood is not as much fun being singular as usually it helps to have at least one person who has these persons or events in common with you then they could relate. 😉
Who is it that you cherish in your life? Who is it that really made some fingerprints or smears for better or worse? What fingerprints are you feeling from others…just something for you to acknowledge.