Day 39: I am tired and this is getting hard…

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As Jonathan Livingston Seagull said, “keep on working on Love.”  Dumb book, good quote.  😉 (as delivered by a friend)

Even though this is hard, I will still find humor!  I must as this is a rather heavy post.  Just jam to this one for a while….good ole’ Whitney Houston classic!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8C-fD54Inn8

Love most definitely is something that is to be worked on throughly each and every day.  It is hard to think, but much like anything that is a seemingly new way for our brain process we must think about it in everything at first until it becomes second nature.  Love is not something we learn over night, yet if integrated into our lifestyle now, it will become easier and easier to love.  They way of love is deep and intimate.  You start to look at a person and love them despite hurting you.  The hurt as I understand it is what comes across when someone is deeply troubled.  Look past the initial wrong doing.  Stare a little deeper into their heart and soul and realize that this person is very special despite their flaws.  I was taught not to judge another as that is not loving them.  We are taught to help our brother and sister’s out if we are able to yet not to be taken advantage of.  We are encouraged to look through the eyes of God and not that of our human nature.

It is easy to sit and judge a person.  It is harder and more challenging to love on them and pray for them.  The more we pray, the easier it will be to come into a loving light with them.  There are a lot of people in my life that have hurt me or hurt those that I love.  I tend to react verse take a step back and see the reality of the situation.  Emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual misfortune whether warranted by self or other such situations is something I have been called to look upon with TRUTH and conviction.  Yet, if I am really loving this person, then I need to love them in a real way and not speak everything on my mind even though this person lies to themselves, others and really uses and abuses himself and others involved.  We say you are old enough to know better.  It is a tricky sort as to say “he should know better”.  But if a person is really ill, then should we say that?  I think the thing that makes me less tolerant of this specific situation is that the person involved is above getting help.  So as reckless as this road is he is walking, he is the only one that can choose otherwise.

How to have compassion toward someone that has a problem with substance abuse, how to have love toward someone whose demons seemingly mask themselves underneath the surface–then they are OK until the next episode where they manipulate their way back,  and how am I to do this??  I will tell you.  I am called to pray for them.  That is the hardest.  Pray for their awareness.  Pray for my ability to have compassion and to speak the TRUTH toward him and be the beacon of light to which I am called to be.  That is how one develops compassion through times as such.

I am a big proponent that if someone has a problem, you hit that nail on the head.  You fix the problem and you move on….in many cases it is not that simple.  I would like to think that everything should be so simple, yet due to fear, anguish, guilt, and other such negative thoughts that are infiltrated into our core as we are humans all cause such complications as to “not deal” with the situation rather put a temporary bandaid on it.  Bandaids will fall off and nothing will be corrected.  That part frustrates me.  Get help.  I say this out of love because I am tired of seeing the same wrong doing repeated toward others.  I am tired of seeing those I love hurt.  I love him, really I do.

Today’s Prayer:
“Lord grant me the ability to love this person as you love me and all of my many faults as I know I am not perfect.  Let me think about every word before it escapes my lips.  Let it be words driven by truth and love.  Let me contemplate my every action before it is done.  Let my action be driven by truth and love.  Let my thoughts be pure and think only out of love of my family, friends, and those who are placed in my path today.  Let all of my life be driven by love! Amen.”

Exhaustion at it's finest

Exhaustion at it’s finest

WAH WAH!

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So I am currently tearing up because a shirt has been stolen out of my closet.  OK this might just be the worst day ever.  I don’t even want to go into the extensive amount or frustration is at hand here but I am getting tired of juggling.  At least my room is clean, right?

I don’t have time for anything I want to do because I am doing everything I have to do.  It is just frustrating and aggravating all the same.  Oh well, tomorrow is a new day.  On Saturday you better believe I will be serving myself a huge Jack and Coke!  BRING IT ON!

I will take a fail for today.  WAH WAH.

Love, Me

Shattered “Joy”

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So today I realized that it has been a while since I have written.  Mind you a lot has happened between now and the last time I was on…and just to add to the chaos…I realized that the next day I have free is Wed!  CRAZY.

Well, I was making beautiful ornaments for my friend’s christmas gifts and I used Peebo on them.  Peebo is a special paint used to paint on glass, then you bake it and it seals it from chipping!  Really some cool little stuff.

I was talking to one of my girlfriend’s on the phone as I was trying to place these little bulbs in the oven when out of no where one of them dropped…dead little indian!  My favorite of favorite ones shattered as I was getting ready to put it in the oven!  It was JOY!  Joy bounced on the linoleum, then bounced one more than crashed.  FAIL.  I kind of laughed at the irony.  But, never to completely lose hope I pressed on…

Next semi-humorous thing that happened to the “less than joyful CatMan”, I was sitting on my couch watching T.V.  I was in a Sangria mood.  Oh how tasty it was!  Well…I was texting and drinking (not smart if you can’t walk and talk and chew gum at the same time!) so I set my drink down on the corner of the chair’s arm and proceeded to dump it all on top of me!  Seriously?  ALL OVER MY CELL PHONE!  Upon cussing up a storm, I took a deep breath and realized my phone just was jealous that I was drinking it all!  I took the phone and dabbed it off, took a shower, then sat back down and finished my show.

 

maybe I should invest?

 

 

As if things couldn’t get any better?  Just wait…it does!

Now.  I feel this whole little period for me is a test.  Just then I get a text message from and old friend “just wanting to say hi!”.   Grrrr….so being the nice cordial person I am…I said hello back.  We exchanged words then I politely told him to buzz off…I was very proud of myself!  Joy at this very moment was restored.  It was like the clouds parted and God spoke to me “GREAT JOB, CatMan!” A big smile was brought to my face.

Last night was the last test that I was given.  My sister and I were creating Rosaries for Christmas gifts.  For those of you who don’t know what a Rosary is…it is a meditation tool and devotional to Our Lady.  It is a very powerful prayer.  So we bought this set.  Neither one of us has made jewelry mind you…and we were really struggling there in the beginning.  I then suggested having a drink!  We drank hot cocoa and peppermint schnapps and proceeded to dig in to the project.  Once we figured it out, it wasn’t so bad…however when it was all said and done: 2 glasses of hot cocoa drink, 2 decade’s in, one spill, one minor gash on the finger, and one movie down …we finally just laughed at our frustration!  It actually was quite comical at how pathetic we looked.  We did enjoy each other’s company though.  🙂

All in all, even despite the shattering of joy, we can still find humor in our dismay.  If you can’t find laughter then what good is it anyway??

The CatMan