Creative Cursing…

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I picked up this book while with Nomad called Creative Cursing.  Well I figured since I have a “sailor mouth” anyways, why not?  I might learn something….or laugh a little harder?  You never quite know with me.  I brought this into the office with me yesterday.  I thought it might be able to loosen everyone up (or get us a sexual harassment suit!) from the already tight tense atmosphere.  OH it totally did the trick….

Most of these words I will not mention for fear of there being little ears…that is not the way I want to scar children.  I already scar them with my spastic and random personality…I am like a nothing they have ever met and because of that I am preeeeetttttyyyy sure they might at first be afraid of me.  That’s ok.  I would rather them be afraid of me for being a little weird than me having to put the “fear of God” in them.  Maybe that’s just me though.

“Nut Muncher” (hehe)

“Panty Bandit” (your face is slowly turning red…I see it!)

…at least I’m not a “Schlong Jacket” (hahaha)

“Sissy Wanker” (what’s that?)

“Snot Biscuit” (eww haha)

…Stop being such a ….”Wench Waffle!!!” (at this point I know you are just crying…)

…YOU….ARE…. SUCH-A…. “Slut Sniffer!!” (bahahahaha!  We all know one of those…hahahahahaha)

…oh yeah?…at least I’m not a “Sack Beater”  (come on….at this point if you are not just about to wet yourself then, there is something wrong with you!!!!)

This is my therapy.  Relatively innocent, or at least I feel like it is!  I woke up not in the best of moods this morning.  I literally had to force myself to choose to smile and that wasn’t too hard because the sun started to shine!  WHOO!!

Have you ever just realized that things are just as good as they ought to be?  Prayers are answered and everything is starting to make a little more sense!  🙂

Come on Nomad?  Really? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDUOcHg5ijg OK nothing implied here but, I really like this song at the present moment.  Kind of funny.  Freaked you out didn’t I??  😉

xoxo

CatMan

Fail. Fail. Fail.

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OH the irony!  I swear something funny always must happen to the CatMan!  I was trying to behave myself today too!  So today, I decided that I was going to help my mom make a cake.  I really felt like I was helping when I realized I was doing it all wrong.

 

I definitely bake like this lady...High heels and all...

 

 

The problem is I really don’t bake…now cooking is another story!  But the last time I baked anything it was in college and my Zucchini bread ended up smoking out my kitchen, exploding everywhere and making quite a mess!  Definitely wasn’t what I had planned.

This mess started as soon as I tried to pull the flour out of the freezer.  Being vertically challenged causes all sorts of grief let me tell you.  On my tippy toes reaching as far as I could…I was closer, and closer, and finally had the little booger in reach when all of a sudden my toe cramped and the darn thing fell on my face!   Now I always teased about being a white girl before but now I really was a white girl!  🙂

Next issue was mixing all of the items together.  Granted I was having issues before hand but now it really became apparent baking was not for me!  I mixed the eggs, box of “mix”, water and the oil started stirring when I realized I was totally mixing the wrong proportions!  How could this happen?  2 eggs instead of three…1-1/3 cup water not 2 cups, 2 tteaaaaasssppoooonnnss of oil not 2 tablespoons……then I learned this after the fact….when something is too liquidy…like soup for an instance if it is too runny, add some flour to it to make it thicker.  Guess what?  In this circumstance, you can’t!  Why doesn’t anyone tell me these things!?

 

OH NO!!!

 

 

Next, I forgot to preheat the oven in all my dismay.  That was the easy fix…next I got everything established .  It called for a 2-9″ round pans OR 9″ pan greased.  I made do with what I had…let me tell you it was totally not either of those options.  Minor details.  I then shoved that thing I called a cake in the oven!  AH-HA!  I will show you my little friend what it’s like to be baked!  I was praying that it tasted alright!  My mom mind you is laughing at me the whole time!  Not just a little tee-hee laugh either.  It was more like a deep belly laugh.

5 minutes later, the oven was smoking because apparently the pan was too small…sigh.  It was too much for me.  It blew up, then I blew up!  I couldn’t even bear to look at the mess that was surrounding me.  I actually laughed at my stupidity.  Today was not the day for me to bake a cake apparently!  At this point my mom felt a little sympathetic and helped me address this “hole” we called a kitchen.  It was a hole because that is what happened when I tried to jolt thru baking a cake.  (HEAVY)  Sigh.

 

It was like a party in the oven if you ask me!

 

My mom gave me a big hug as we laughed at such horrible baking skills!  She did say that I could be on the one Food Network show, “America’s Best Baker. Wink!”  HAHA.  Oh well what to do but just laugh!  Life is still good whether you can follow directions, bake, or preheat an oven….I think I need to get new glasses!

I don’t smoke but, if I did…someone hand me a cigarette!!

CatMan

Spin me right round!

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Today my friends my head is spinning and my eyes are heavy.  It has been a long day.  The funny and ironic thing is that I was just thinking of a song and it ended up playing 2 seconds on my Pandora.

Today too was a struggle to find balance and stay awake.  It was a brainstorming day to which I don’t have too much to show from it.  I did talk to a few friends whom I haven’t had a chance to talk to in a long while, so that was nice.  Still smiling mind you because that was a good highlight to the day.  🙂

It is going to be a long night.  It will be fun but, definitely a long one.  I have been yawning all day!  Not good.  But, I will just pump a little caffeine in me and continue spinning right round, like a record baby!

Kind of how I feel right now...

Hope you feel more with it than I do friends!

xoxo

CatMan

BLAH BLAH BLAH!

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You will never guess how my morning started.  I got out of the house early and wouldn’t you know there was a TON of traffic.  I did however make it to work in record time though.  There was a car trying to pull a U-turn on the highway ramp this morning and actually that was pretty funny…out of no where and up over the grass and median…and the best part??  No not that they actually did a (pretty sure it’s an illegal action…) U-turn.  No it was not actually that they were from Illinois.  It was the fact that they did it in a HUGE Dodge Caravan!  Soccer mom missed her turn!  LOOK OUT!

Today has been a fabulous day aside from having to send an email that took me an hour to compose.  At 8AM mind you!!!  Then do you ever just feel so drained that you don’t want to do a thing after it?  Well I am pressing a long just fine.  I went on a date last night and that was fun.  We had a scary connection.  It was cool though.

Last night, I watched “It’s Complicated” for the first time and it was so good.  I laughed so hard.  What a great complement to such an already wonderful Monday.  Then I got a ring in the mail, from….well you might remember him from an earlier post….?  This is only something that would happen to a CatMan…THE ITALIAN PIMP!  Stupid business card…he found me.  I received this 2 Rose ring…which you know is just right up my ally  😉  I took a picture so you could see:

 

OK isn't this beautiful? What a great gift...FROM A STALKER!

 

Oh well, I took the ring out of the package and there was a note attached.  This note was probably one of the most sincerely cute/creepy thing I have ever seen in my life!   It read: “CatMan, I want you.  I want you to know that I want you and I want you to want me to want you…take this ring for now!  Fino alla prossima volta il mio dolce bella rosa!”  The Italian translates to: ‘until next time my sweet beautiful rose!’  How beautiful is that???  Well…it might have come from a guy that may or may not want to pimp me out but, flattering none the less.  It might be pretty spectacular that I got a gift and nice note but, I am sticking to my guns!

So I sit with my double rose ring on a happy camper.  🙂  Life is good!  Have a great day!

xo, CatMan