The Woman I Desire to Be

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“When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more noble her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.”

~Venerable Fulton J. Sheen

I came across this very quote a day or two ago on Facebook.  One of my contacts had this posted and it really go me thinking about woman and their purpose with in the realm of this world.  I mean, your day-to-day accommodations, vocations, and everything to which fulfills the beautiful role of being a woman.  There is a lot more to it than you might think!

Something I personally have struggled with is finding my way into discovering what it means to be a real woman.  Not a girl…but a woman.  Not just any woman either.  I want to find my identity as a woman of God.  I will be the first to tell you that I have been on a wily road prior to this investigation. Do I really have what it takes to grow up and be the woman who I know I am being called to be?  I lacked confidence.  I lacked esteem.  Because of my lack of understanding, my heart lacked a desire to change.  Hell, I was doing just fine with where I was at and with what I was doing….but was I really doing as fine as I thought?  I didn’t want to change for a long while because it seemed forced or rather too contrived.  If the CatMan was going to change, then it was most definitely going to be because I wanted to do so.

Recently, I was told and came across many individuals (randomly of course) speaking to me as “You will attract a certain person or type of person”.  This would make sense.  So if I applied that to the long list of ex-s that I have, I am giving off something that is attracting these pathetic jerks who didn’t have a clue what it meant to be the kind of man I deserve!   They are selfish ultimately.  They don’t get it and haven’t a clue either.  I think that I am a compassionate person to an extent that I have no boundaries.  I want to be there and help whomever and wherever needed.  I could also say compassionate to a fault.  I realized a few life lessons through my 12+ years of dating to which makes me finally desire to take the leap and make the necessary changes.  The next time I visit the grocery, I am not leaving with a bunch of bad apples.  I will be shopping for exactly what I came for…

1.  You have to love and fully accept yourself.  Anyone ever watch Silver Lining Playbook?  Tiffany, Jennifer Lawrence’s character, has a past and yet that is not who she is when she meets Bradley Cooper’s character.  She fully accepts that she was a slut, but that is apart of her.  She loves that it’s apart of her.  She understands that was a place she went and she is making a change.  Accepting the good parts of yourself and the bad parts will help you learn and acclimate to what you desire to be.  For me personally, I can accept that crazy road I ventured on as that is not me today.  It is however a part of me and what made me realize even more so my need for God in my life.  I have accepted my sins happen.  I am human.  I am doomed to fall and that my friends is written in my very DNA.  That helix is laced with my many flaws and short comings.  And hey, guess what?  God knows this and He loves me anyways!

2.  If you attract assholes, then you are probably being an asshole.  This one took me a while to figure out.  I didn’t really get how my decisions and shortcomings led me to only date assholes.  A long list of assholes at that!  You see, I had low self-esteem  and confidence in myself.  I thought that I “needed” what these men could offer.  Well for reflection sake, not really sure I needed ANY of what they had to offer except for a listening ear!  I was being a complete asshole to myself first and foremost.  I was in return being an asshole to those around me because we all know that it is the natural progression of things.  Then, I was attracting like-minded assholes that were in worse shape than me!  The ones who stuck out this phase, ended up knowing that was just a phase and not what I ultimately was going for which I am pretty grateful.  I have 5 very close friends and a big family to which loves me despite everything.

3.  You are surrounded by living examples each and everyday, sometimes you just need to open your eyes!  OK.  For the longest time, I have taken those around me for granted.  My mom and I for example used to butt heads more than anyone I know!  It was a mutual lack of understanding for where one another was at in life.  Now looking back at it, it just was this tremulous period for the both of us.  I was immature.  I was going through whatever teenagers/young adults go through.  It took me until recently, living with my grandma, to understand my mom better.  I lived with my grandma for just over a year and my mom is so much like her mom it’s not even funny.  My mom of course is in a different period in her life than her mother, but now I have been given another example of a true woman.  My mom is a control freak.  She likes to think she has more control than she does and because of that it causes conflict.  My grandma used to be the same way.  My mom has gotten a lot better over the years as far as just letting go of the fact that her adult children are going to make their decisions and she has little input in the way they live their life.  My mom will subtly present her opinion in a tactful manner but ultimately we were raised to be individuals.  Grandma prays.  Right now she is toward the later part of her life and she spends good and earnest time praying.  She has a peace about her.  She no longer worries about what her children are doing nor does she let that bother her.  Her control and worry has been given up to God.   Both woman are examples of the sort of woman I desire to become.  Here they are right in front of me!  Both go to church, say their prayers, make time to teach and be there for their families.  They spend time feeding, clothing, and running children’s rear ends around town….they did this out of love for all of us.  That is amazing.

4. Make a grocery list and don’t lose sight until you get everything you set out to get!  I likened my “ex list” a little like going to the grocery.  I am making too many trips to the grocery to buy things I don’t need (AKA DRAMA), want (a “man” who “cares” about you HA!), and over all I am falling short!  I am paying WAY TOO MUCH for bad unnecessary goods!  So I am making a grocery list accordingly and not taking my eyes off of it until I get what I set out to have.  I deserve it.  I am not going to settle for anything less this time.  I deserve the best you know…

The person I desire to become is a woman who is virtuous.  She is a well-rounded, thoughtful, and caring individual who puts others needs first.  She doesn’t limit God to working through her to fulfill her very purpose of being created.  She possesses true compassion, patience, and doesn’t worry about what she lacks.  She prays regularly.  She dresses modestly.  She is confident in who she is as a woman of God.  She stands firm in her beliefs.  She loves wholeheartedly despite outcome or without expectation.  She is honest and truthful.  She possess integrity.  She has humility and knows she is not perfect.  She has her own style and is confident in wearing it.  She equally knows she will never stop trying to be a better person despite her flaws.  She will persevere and carry what cross she is being asked to carry without question.  She is slow to anger and quick to forgive.  She is loyal, faithful, and devout always.

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I may not be that woman today…but I will never stop moving forward.  Maybe one day I will get there and maybe one day I won’t.  Regardless, I will never stop desiring to be that woman.  Life is a journey you know…

A girl can dream can’t she? 😉
CatMan

 

Love is…motivation and a verb!

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I am still venting over a situation that happened later in the day yesterday.  I am no longer angry….but in a simple sense I am now left motivated. 🙂

Love is a Verb...this motivates me to continue to love when others cannot!

Love is a Verb…this motivates me to continue to love when others cannot!

A friend to whom I considered a pretty close friend and I got into it.  Long story short, he hit a transition in his life and is acting out.  He is hurt and being reckless.  I have been trying to care enough to reach out.  I wanted to reach out to make sure he was OK.  He stopped talking to me.  I knew something was up.  SO, I see that he is magically in a relationship on the Book of Face.  I am sorry, but I had to do what I did.  If I was in a smacking distance, he would have gotten a smack for sure.

Last time, I saw this friend was in April.  It had been since college since the last time I saw him.  At least 5 years…or so.  To make a long story short, we both exchanged “I love you’s” and a kiss or so.  That always makes things more complicated.  We have known each other for almost 8 years and he pulled this card.  We didn’t talk about the kiss or exchange of words or anything until I brought it up yesterday in a moment of complete courage and honesty.  He knows I care enough….but right now, I stand for a truth he cannot yet face.  Hence why the label would be “overbearing” and the underlying emotion is a combo of anger, guilt, and “immediate physical gratification”.  

At this point, he is in a high level of uncertainty and hurt.  Dealing with coming back from deployment transition, a break-up over that deployment, missing his family as he is no where near them, and coming up on the crossroad of a career change.  That is a hell of a lot to process alone.  He is putting himself through this complete hell.  So like a good friend, I reach out and try to be loving.  That is just me being me being me.

For the first time in my life, since knowing Dr. Pepper, this is the first time it has gotten remotely hard to love on him.  The conversation yesterday made me initially angry.  I was so furious with him.  He knew I was mad too.  He claimed it was because I was passionate–I was overbearing.  That is not it at all.  I am a passionate person yes.  But I am coming across “overbearing” because I care too much when he doesn’t care at all.

Now, Saturday night into Sunday morning, I couldn’t sleep.  So, I wrote a letter.  I wrote an unsent letter to him.  July 7, 2013.  I wrote out the very things I wanted so badly to tell him explaining my actions and observations, yet time didn’t allow it.  The time was not right to send it.  So now, I sit here with a letter that does no good and a feud with a long time friend over what??   Me trying to make an attempt at being a better friend to him.  The same night as the letter, I heard in my heart that I am not praying enough.  I needed to really try to pray much more.  NOW I see why!!

I must confess I can feel Dr. Pepper in my heart.  I felt the restlessness prior to the letter and about 2 weeks leading up to this blow-up.  I feel confusion, tension, and most of all he is just uncertainty.  I let it it go.  I pray…then move on…

He said a lot of very funny things to me.  He said that when he said “I love you” it was only in the friend sort of way.  Um…then we kissed?  Friend’s don’t kiss or say I am glad this didn’t happen prior to this point either.  A mutual friend said his body language was not consistent with that comment.  Nonverbal language speak volumes.   And maybe it was awkward for him.

He really had the audacity to say “don’t be offended.  I don’t let people in”…After 8 years, how could I not be offended??  Then I asked him how he could be in a relationship if he “didn’t let people in”…that isn’t going to work unless the relationship is based around one thing and one thing hurt people know well (take it from someone who has been there) physical aspect only.  Carefree interaction.  Someone to hang out with and do things with. No honest commitment.  Simply IDEAL for someone who just doesn’t care.  It is horrible and in the end it just sucks even more.  

All you are doing is using each other to get by until your so miserable you can’t breathe and you either choose to move on or move to the next level.  I chose to move on in my situation.   It was masked by “I love you”  but, really it wasn’t that at all.  It was more infatuation than anything.  That is what I found out.  What a trick, thinking I actually cared about a person when all it did was leave me bruised and even more broken.  Learned a hell of a lot though about myself and what I didn’t want.

So what is the purpose in all of this?  To pray more and not worry about it.  Love is a verb remember!  Some get it and others do not.  We love them even more through prayer and that is all I have to say.  It no longer makes me angry as much as this situation motivates me to keep moving forward and pray harder for his tormented self.  Love is a choice.  It is better to choose to love through prayer and keep moving forward.

I suppose this was bound to happen eventually right?    🙂

ON a high note, I got closure with Nomad on Independence Day.  That was both rewarding and delightful. YAHOOOOOOO!  Clarity was finally achieved Captain!


CatMan

Love: Time is Precious

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I just wanted to share a story that made a profound impact on me this morning.  I cannot imagine what a loss his family is experiencing.  Here is someone who truly encompassed living.  I don’t know Zach personally, but after watching this video I felt like I did.  I urge you to take a few minutes to watch Zach’s story.  http://www.upworthy.com/this-kid-just-died-what-he-left-behind-is-wondtacular-rip

Never ever take what time you have for granted.  Never take your friends and family for granted.  Never miss a second saying I love you, or wishing them to have a great day if you sincerely mean it.  I am not sure why at this point in my life I have become so sentimental or sensitive toward living.  Maybe it was that nightmare I had that “woke me up”.

Love costs nothing.  It is freely given in the purest form.  It is something that must be chosen to give out and to whom it will be given.  Some are more generous with love than others.  The amount of generosity one may have with loving others might indicate greater understanding toward the virtue of love.  In the end, I truly believe that we receive what it is we give out.

When you look at your life, when you really see what you have done and all the lives you have touched–will you be satisfied?  Will you say, I really tried to embrace life in all its joys, sorrows, and worth?  Did I do the best I can?  Was my heart fully in it 100%?

I think once you start to realize the value of life you start also equally looking at everything differently.  You start really seeing how precious it is.  When you have someone slip too soon from you, you have the choice to be bitter or you have the choice to love more.  I suppose disasters such as the tornado in Oklahoma also make you realize how short, but sweet life is.  I can imagine when those parents were kissing their child good-bye yesterday, I am sure that it never crossed their mind that this might be the last time they see their little one.  Tragic.

Treasure the ones you love and hold on tighter.  Don’t make the mistake of taking those who mean the most to you for granted.

❤ CatMan

Day 51: Prime Number

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“Love others as God has loved you. Ask God to grant you the grace and goodness to keep no record of the wrongs done to you.” (as posted from my cheer coach)

I think this is very fitting for today as last night I totally got thrown a curve ball.  An ex-bf that hurt me so much contacted me last night.  It really took me by surprise.  I had this inkling in the morning that something might happen, yet I just forgot about it.  You see, 2 years ago yesterday was the date we started dating.  Interesting timing, right?  This was Nomad and he didn’t connect the dots there.  It was a crazy time but there was a lot of joy there too.  Needless to say we hadn’t talked since New Years and it was nice hearing from him.  I forgave him for all he had done to me.  I also forgave him for breaking up with me on Valentine’s Day in the coward fashion he did.  I am in a better place.

It was random and actually made me very happy.  Even though I was taken back by it, I have just recognized that he and I will always be better served as friends.  I am over the hurt and I actually have him to thank as I can help and relate with other friends going through the similar.  It is a hard thing to realize, yet I am at complete peace.  I feel like that is exactly what I needed to test it too.  He seems to be doing the same ole same ole, but his heart is softer.  For that fact, I continue to pray for him.

I titled this post “Prime Number” as I think this is the prime concept needed in beginning to love a person.  As humans, we hurt ourselves, beat ourselves up, and project that on others which allows them to feel just as bad as we do.  We really as a whole need to work on that.  Once you see that it was nothing so personal and it was just a reflection of hurt in their own life, it makes it easier to forgive them.  I have forgiven him…I pray to forget that hurt and build a stronger foundation.  This foundation will then be set upon mutual respect and love.  Only then will that friendship, relationship, etc grow in goodness.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

Age gracefully……

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As a woman, I feel this extreme pressure to constantly feel like I need to look younger.  Tone up, if you will.  Make sure that I am in “perfect” condition for everyone.  Sure we all might feel like we are at our best when we look our best, but where do we draw our line?

I am young.  I am happy with my body as far as I recognize I have my problem spots and I know what I need to do to get them back in shape.  It is MY responsibility to get my body to the shape that makes me feel the best…not someone else’s expectations of “you should be as skinny as a rail, 100 lbs, your stomach’s getting pudgy work it out, you should wear make-up to the gym because heaven forbid you actually run into someone you know there, oh and your hair…um yes…grow it longer because short hair it just isn’t what women should do…it makes you look like a mom.”  I am tired of the pressure frankly.

Why is it so hard for people to face their music?  Why are we dragging our feet? Why do we feel like we have to look younger all the time?  Why is it so hard to find a wrinkle and be proud of it?  Well maybe it is a sign of people’s lack of appreciation for their age.  Do you fully embrace where you are at in the present moment?  Do you say, thank you for making me 25 years old at this very moment in time?  Or maybe your 10 or 70 years old in some cases!  No regrets, right?

To me, it is a lack of personal gratitude and appreciation for life’s journey when we force ourselves to “look” younger.  We start off as children and we “wish we were older” always….then we hit a point where we wish we could go back to that innocence.  We sit there and wish our lives away.  Seems rather silly doesn’t it?

I want to offer a little bit of “natural” solutions to looking and feeling younger (not found in a bottle of anti-aging cream or diet pills).  In no particular order:

1.  Surround yourself with people who care about you.  They support you.  They genuinely love you.

2.  Smile more.  If you smile for no good reason, I guarantee you will find a reason.  Plus, smiles brighten other’s days.  It might actually change someone’s bad day into good!

3.  Never actually act your age.  My good ol’ friend Herb taught me that.  Surround yourself by young people and you will forever feel connected and youthful.

4. Make sure that you wash your face, brush your hair and don’t smell like body odor.  One of the best ways to feel good about yourself is just simply keep good hygiene.

5. Try to make a point of doing one random act of kindness for someone daily.  When you give your effort and time to others it really pays back.  That little act could mean the world to someone.

6. Keep in touch with your friends.  Keep in touch with those who are distant old friends more so.  Just call to see how they are doing.  It makes a world of difference in your appreciation of that person in your life as well as talking about your past times keeps you youthful.

7. Talk to people of all ages.  There is someone always that has either been in your shoes, is walking your walk right now, or will be in the future.  Learn what they did, are doing, or what they might do to make the situation a little better.

8. Keep things in perspective always.  Is this really a big deal?  Is this really something that I need to worry about?

9.  Take care of our body, mind, and soul and seek balance always.  If you need to work out more to keep yourself in balance, then do what YOU have to do…keep your mental and physical health in check always.  Remember no one is perfect, so find what works for you!

10.  Pray daily and keep your God and creator at the center of your focus.  He will point you in new and amazing (sometimes amusing…) directions which will keep your mind off the aging process.  🙂  This part is the liberating part!

11. Love others genuinely with all your heart.  Keep your pride down and really work on looking past one another’s flaws.  It makes life so much better!!

I would like to end with this article I came across that I think will shed some light upon how to embrace growing older…http://www.psychologies.co.uk/news/how-to-embrace-growing-older/.

How are you going to embrace where you are at and in this very present moment?  How are you going to embrace this aging process that people consistently fighting today?

❤ The CatMan

Behind every man….

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Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Jim Carrey

 

There is great truth behind this comment.  Think about it….how many “great ideas” come before one is achieved?  (eye roll)  The answer is too many.  Just do it.  Stop over thinking it and just do it already!  How hard can it be?  ha.  OH very hard apparently.

When we over think we are allowing our brain to over ride our natural ability to listen.  We process until we process something to death.  Now that is not very productive AT ALL.  So why do we do it?  Good question!  Because we are control freaks.  So, today is about listening to the whole thing not just one aspect but ALL aspects.

This week, I managed to throw my back out picking up a box.  Yes it was as silly as it sounds.

I went to the chiropractor and a massage therapist.  I feel 95% better.  After last night, I have more mobility than I did and I feel like she really did a great job!  Crunch, crunch, crunch…I was a regular hot mess.  When I got home and relaxed–I felt so much better.  I was drinking lots of water.  I am a little sore, but it was well worth it.  Icing has been helping.

While I was in the massage, she told me that she was trying to intuitively listen to where my body was pulling.  So can I do that too?  Sure I can!  That isn’t hard…I mean sometimes it can be tricky…but anyone can listen.  I decided that I was really going to make a conscious effort to listen better.  Shut the pride and brain down and listen to what my heart and body were saying.  Seek the listening first.  Then adjust accordingly to seek balance.  That is going to be my goal.

Maybe if I had just listened to my body say “that’s too heavy CatMan”…I wouldn’t be in such pain.  The parts of the body are so intricate and everything hinges off each other.  This being said, your heart, physical body, spirit, conscious mind, intellect, emotions, soul and over all energy have some “words to say about you”.  If you want to feel your best?  All you have to do is listen!  When something is out of whack, it might scream at you until you do something about it.  Simply stated, if I had listened to my body saying “no way!” I might not be in this mess.  I would have saved approximately $167 and the pain of looking like a sissy.  Nothing hurts the ego more than that.

Through all of this Nomad has been a peach.  Very empathetic as he has back issues and knows it is a pain in the rear literally.  These painful times are a good reminder to balance.  Where there is an action, there is an equal cause or reaction…or something like that.

Well speaking of Nomad, he is doing some really great things.  He is looking into going back to school.  This is a very positive long time coming decision.  I am really proud of him.  It took him a decent amount of time to discern this whole thing and figure out what his best option was going to be and I think he is on the right track.  Maybe not exactly to the program he needs, but he is getting there!  I have been trying to encourage him, motivate him, and etc…but you know people move in their own time.  (eye roll)

Oh to be yourself…Go walk naked!

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“To be nobody but yourself in a world that’s doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting.”  –E.E. Cummings

So I am really struggling right now blog friends.  I am finally starting to understand how much really loving people…not like your average gushy mushy love, but really pouring forward all emotions and heart into others is very hard.  This means practicing understanding, patience, kindness, trust, and knowing eventually this period of love will pay off, Right?  Practicing and encompassing all gifts of virtue and yet, strange enough that is not enough for a person to come to grips with how much love you are giving to them!  Love is so foreign people who reside on the surface.  They try to walk 100% away from this “love” thing because it is a vulnerable foreign feeling found only at the very core of our beings and when we were children.  As adults, this is a feeling that is a rarity and seemingly so distant in our current live style.

Our hearts can become hard.  Our attitude callused.  And then when we find someone to which is willing to pour forth love and give you anything/everything you need for success–we are confused, tormented, and fearful as to WHY?  Why me?  Why do you have this invested in me?  What did I ever do to you?  Well the simple answer is you didn’t have to do anything…it is just because I love you!

As hard as this feeling of love is in demonstrating it to others…I think it can at times be hard to be yourself in such a world that can be cold and cruel.  One should be themselves and have the strength and courage to do so to the best of their ability.  Just simply being yourself is hard.  Being yourself doesn’t mean being misguided like these “little rebels” can be…but, being yourself means stripping the fluff off and developing what’s left.  That is the real you.

What a confusing, sometimes bitter cold world we live in today.  Despite the negative, we must strive to ALWAYS find hope.  There is still a lot of that in this world.  Although you might have to dig a little deeper to find it.  It will be well worth the scavenger hunt when the treasure: HOPE is found.

 

Last night, I was asked if I had ever been “skinny” dipping.  (gasp!)  Well not in the way he was thinking, but I have started walking naked more often.

Go on a walk today.  Naked.  I dare ya!

“Oh…but I can’t!”  (you respond)

“Oh…but you can and you will probably love it!” says the CatMan!

(The crowd GASPS…….)

Strip yourself down to your core and walk around naked.  You might actually like that version of you.  That’s the hope I am talking about!  You might feel smut free then and you may actually feel better about letting yourself out!  Get to know the real you and embrace!  Once that naked beautiful person comes out of the hard shell they were in, you could just discard that shell (as you won’t need it anymore).  Don’t be afraid!  The real you is not so bad.

 

We do it to Pistachio nuts all the time.  They are considered elite nuts and when shelled they are beautiful!   Precious green goodness.   Just remind yourself that when you are second guessing “going naked”.  🙂

That is all,

❤ The CatMan

Shift in Focus. Adjust Perception. Change in heart.

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‎”When one focuses too much on the negative, all they see is road blocks. When one focuses on the positive, that is where one finds hope…” (me)

 

It is so easy to allow ourselves to be drug down by the muck surrounding us or listen to others that are only trying to bring us down.  Unfortunately, it is harder to be a leader than it is just to allow us to be sucked in to the abyss.  It is so easy to listen to the negative bringing us down….then we crash…If we ever expect to make it past tomorrow’s muck we must be willing to change our focus and stop listening to the outside noise.  Focus on what is good.  Focus on what we have going for us and focus on hope.  Hope is a key component to this whole situation.

One way I like to ensure that I don’t become a dirty muck pie is to visually wipe myself clean (literally take my hands and fling off the negative) and affirm myself often.  I constantly need to remind myself exactly what my purpose is.  Without affirmation, we can lose focus.  Something simple would be “I am a vessel to which God uses for His Good Works.”  I also like to personally make take my focus deep inside of me and allow God to transform from the inside out.  Think about it, this takes YOU out of it and allows Him to work His magic.  “Send my mind, body and soul into light and love” is another great affirmation.

Human’s are naturally imperfect.  We will always have flaws.   By taking us out of the mix, we are able to recognize we are a tiny part of this bigger picture.  It is amazing to understand what your purpose is and to fall in line with the circle of life!  Each little purpose that we all have is apart of a bigger entity.  We might be small, but the purpose of the small is equal of importance to the bigger picture’s results!  Without the little parts, the picture will never be fully complete!

Next key component…adjust your perception and do not make anything bigger than what it is.  You own that girl….or guy?!   This is a true test of inner peace when you can keep everything in check.  You spill coffee and it goes down the front of your shirt…take a deep breath and embrace it.  We have all been there and you know what?  Starbucks has a shirt with a “printed coffee stain” down the front of it!  You can get that for the bargain of $80 at your local department store.  Someone cancels on you, again.  OK.  Not a big deal!  That is life–so what are you going to do now?  Maybe go on a walk, or find a little cafe’ close and just observe!  Life is good remember.  It’s not the end of the world.

Now we are focused.  Everything is in check and balanced, so now what?  Now we have to make the most important change!  Change in our heart will not just happen overnight.  It takes time to get ourselves back to a state that is more enjoyable.  Let me explain….http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eefP4bG2EkI&feature=related

When we were children, we had very little to worry about and things seemed relatively easy.  Something happens to our heart as we grow up to be adults where we allow the muck of the world to steal our innocence.  Now it seems we are always stressed, always on the go, and always rushing without really taking time to smell the roses.  This is definitely a problem.  When this situation gets to this point, we are really missing out on living.  Those little things as a child we so dearly loved are now buried under adult junk.  UH OH…now what?  A change of heart is needed to keep in balance.

Start simple.  “Live simply so that others might simply live.” (Mother Teresa) Learn to notice everyone on the street, yes even the weird ones.  The people who are the most interesting are the one’s (usually) last noticed.  Dare you to talk to one!  (Oh did your mother tell you not to talk to strangers?  Well it’s fine now, you’re an adult!)  Learn to ask people questions when you don’t understand.  Learn how to give your time and knowledge to helping others succeed.  Hey they might thank you later!   Learn to get back to that child like innocence and you might just find yourself living an even more incredible life.  Take the ownership back and start living life with a purpose!

❤  CatMan  🙂

Tonight’s Observation: Caramel Corn is Good

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I love this fall weather not only for the change and beauty of the weather, but for the food and snacks associated with this time of year.  Take for instance, we have two major holidays to which you dress up, play the role of someone else and receive candy….and the other holiday encourages you to indulge in home cooked meal and have parties to bring people together.  Seriously, the only time I will encourage and promote being anyone but your normal self.  It is good to bust out of our boxes and get the creative juices a flowing!

Boots, sweaters, costumes, football, family and get-togethers!  Transitional changes in the weather, in yourself is you are open to it, and probably being OK with adding a few pounds to the hips from all the goodies….oh they tempt me so badly!  Why must I have a sweet tooth!?  WHHHHYYYYY?

Transitional seasons can make someone feel so alive.  Out with the old and in with the new.  Clean out your house and make room for new growth and development figuratively and literally speaking.  A time to examine your heart and the house you keep.  What a great opportunity for growth and preparation for a second chance?!  Personally, I am trying to focus on listening more.  I need to balance and find quiet moments whether I can find them for five or ten minutes vs. longer extended periods of time is irrelevant.  I just need to find them.

Tonight I found the Caramel Corn just staring at me.  It was just sitting on the table.

I was minding my own business, yet that tricky little something else  got me…..the inner dialog between me and Mr. CC went something like this:

CC: “How YOU doin’?” (eye brow raising)

CatMan: “Um…seriously?  Since when does Caramel Corn talk?”

CC: “Look how incredibly good I look!  ummmhmmm….I am so yummy you just want to take a handful of me and you know….*wink*”  (yes a wink…)

CatMan: “Yeah I am trying to get into shape and you REAAAALLY aren’t helping my cause…so good bye!”

CC: “What?  Wait, wait, wait….just take the lid off and look me in the eyes….I think we are a match and I want you to handle my goods…if you know what I mean…just one whiff…”

 

By this point, I was very inquisitive as to why the Mr. Caramel corn was “talking dirty” to me at the kitchen table…it was very puzzling.  Not to mention disturbing!  BUT maybe he was just taking advantage of my brief moment of weakness.  The CatMan is ONLY human you know…OK so here is how the rest of this went down….

 

CC: “Come on!  I might be a little sticky…BUT I will do you well…I taste so good…just open the lid and smell my sweetness…OH I will never disappoint you CatMan, if you allow me to show you.”

CatMan: “Maybe just a little whiff will be enough…I am not having any Caramel this late at night…”

(opening the lid I was totally sucked in and it was all over from there!!!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rqDkDhkJKQ

 

CC: “Yes, yes….go on…touch me!”

CatMan: “Nope not doing it!  Sorry…..well maybe just one but that’s it….(like I said this is all internal…I am NOT that crazy…)…I can afford just one piece and I will be good….ugh…I am so weak…stupid Caramel Corn…” (I reached my hand in and pulled out a ball of goodness, we made eye contact and I just got weak in the knees…)

CC: “Try a taste.  Just a bite is all…”

CatMan: (staring this little ball down)  ‘Just one’ “ohhhh…you are so good Caramel Corn…” as I chomp myself to a 400 calorie mistake…(I put that piece in my mouth and how satisfying!)

CC: “See how do I taste?  Good, huh?  I told you I would never disappoint you…you kind of like me don’t you?”

What was happening on the inside of my mouth as I just couldn’t resist anymore. Literally the inside of my mouth was doing this:   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFz2WkVAk38

Then it was ALL OVER….Mr. Caramel Corn won….and my only response?

CatMan: “Mr. Caramel Corn, you were right about one thing…you are VERY good….Bastard….”

ALL I could do is shake my head in discussed…well there is alway tomorrow right?

So what’s this evening’s observation?  Caramel Corn is good.  sigh…just not very good for my hips!  Darn it!

 

An Eventful EXTENDED Weekend…

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This weekend has been far from ordinary.  It is strange when life takes it course the laughter just seems to seep out of everything.

Making it on the list of things that occurred:
1.  Grandma’s house caught on fire
2.  Herb is in the hospital
3.  No fun in the sun really at all this weekend except for what I got in the car
4.  No house cleaning attempted; no house keeping claimed
5.  Slept in at the cost of missing breakfast….it was worth it though!
6.  Trying to freeze off a small but pesky little plantar wart….grrr…
7.  Got a great chance to catch up with Sassy Sis and had some good humor with her children

Friday:

Get a call early in the morning, Herb was having a hard time breathing so they took him into the hospital.  Went to see him at lunch-time and we shared his meal because he just wasn’t all that hungry.  He seemed lucid and with it.  Good sign.  I left work early to help judge a cheer try-out for a friend.  I was planning on going over to Sassy Sister’s house right after.  At approximately 6pm I went over there.  She fed me wine and pizza and then we talked for a good 4 hours.  Her 2 very smart beautiful little boys made me laugh so hard.  They have so much energy!  The best comment, just as I was walking out the door was “Here Ms. Cat! Don’t forget your baby wipes for your baby!”  I looked at Sassy Sis and was completely puzzled!  They made us both laugh to tears.  Sassy goes, does he know something that we don’t know?  HAHAHA.  Nomad didn’t laugh as hard as we did about the situation…

Saturday and beyond:

I was up talking to Herb and I thought you all would get a kick out of this one.  A few nights ago, he tried escaping.  Uh huh….like the determined man he is, tried to get up on his own.  He pulled his catheter and IV out.   OUCH!  When I got there, he just rolled his eyes.  The one nurse said as he was trying to pull his cords out again, “you don’t want to pull your penis off now do you?  Because that’s what will happen!”  He just rolled his eyes and we just laughed.  Hearing aid battery went dead.  He seemed to be getting confused.  Less crisp as the days progress.  He still needs some paperwork to be signed and such but that I don’t think is going to happen.

Needless to say every family is dysfunctional, but Herb really doesn’t get along at all with his true blood family.  This is not new news.  It is such a shame.  He has suspicions that their intentions are not from the heart….well I cannot speak on their behalf but, I can say that I agree with Herb 100%.  This has been a hard process for me.  It is very humbling seeing him go thru this…it also really sucks.  I have done a lot of praying and discerning.  I had to lift him up, witness him flashing me accidentally, him trying to escape and me actually holding him back and helping feed him.  It has been a really hard process.  To see a man who was completely independent and going thru this “damit, I need you to do this for me…” frustrated stage is a true bitch.

In my heart, I know he is tired of it all.  I am hoping this is just a phase and he will bounce back once his medicine gets regulated.  I truly never thought at 25 I would ever be walking with a friend thru this stage of his life.  I know that he appreciates it…but he too feels as helpless as I do.  Yesterday, was a rough day and that was hard.  Today was especially hard because he was getting more confused.  The nurse told me it was from carrying fluids on board…but you know when the joking gets less and he just is sitting there is simply enough.  He keeps asking about his cart…”where’s my cart?” I would retort “Herb, It’s safe at the apartment for you.”  Herb would then reply with a hesitance, “Ok…alright I guess.”

OH OH OH!!! I didn’t tell you!!!  Thursday, Herb’s NEW motorized cart was almost accidentally stolen by another lady eating at the Cafe’.  It looked similar enough to his, yet settings were different enough that yeah.  He yells from across the room “hey HEY HEEEY”  (progressively getting louder)…I simply walked up to her and told her I thought she had the wrong cart….she agree’d and that was that.  It was flipping hilarious!!!

Well so that is that.  Nomad is to be calling soon so I must jet!  Love you all and remember (as Herb always says!)  Life’s a bitch, then you die!  (fingers crossed on the second part that isn’t the case this time!)  Please keep him in your prayers!

Love your family.  Be merciful and compassionate to them.  We know not the struggles they face and we know not how much time they have left.  Make sure to kiss and sincerely make up at the end of everyday.  Do not let a moment waste!  Tell them what they mean to you daily…they may get sick of it but, at least they will know!