What’s it Gonna Be?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8wO-b95z14

Today, I was in the car driving and one of my favorite En Vogue songs ever.  This one just kind of gets the hamster wheels a going and makes you think “poop or get off the pot”.  Since February I have been dealing with a ton of emotional pieces and changes.  I also recently had a friend call me out stone cold on something that I needed to change about myself.  Here is kind of how it went down.

Over the past months I have been discerning some additions to my already overflowing gift basket of qualities.  I have been considering going back to school in August for hair.  I dealt with an emotional break-up…still hurt, I need to address some aspects of myself that I have to change.  It is apparent that the hurt is still very fresh and there; however those who have hurt me are not so understanding of why I have such emotions and negativity.  I turned into a busy body.  I have also turned into a short fuse.  The fuse tends to go off at those I love the most.  Which haha…well it was my dad 2 weeks ago and Nomad earlier this week.  That is not good.  This person called me out big time and then I said somethings that I really didn’t mean.  They pushed further out because they took it personally and they just didn’t want to deal with it.  I know I am not perfect, but I know darn well that I am trying my hardest to get to where I need to be.  I have a plan and goals…but in the process of getting there I need for this hurt to be addressed as not to fuse out on certain people anymore.

I don’t want you thinking that I only spoke hurtful things because I didn’t.  I said some very honest things too.  These things he needed to hear as much as I needed to hear what he said to me.  He is completely right as well as I was, but even after apology he wont own up to it being HIS fault I am hurting.  He has nothing to say about that.  I cannot change that either.  Unless someone is willing to say, “hey I am sorry for treating you as bad just months back!”  the hurt will always remain.  Maybe it isn’t in the cards for us to be friends at this point or ever.

It is a hard thing to realize that you are ONLY in control of yourself and YOUR journey.  This is a hard thing for me to understand, but I am getting there.  I am coming around slowly.  In my mind, I would want someone to warn me if they thought I was in the wrong or headed down a path of self-destruction.  Apparently not everyone wants that kind of warning.  I think true friends understand that warning system.

How does a friendship move past these little explosions and get on to having a loving relationship?  How is this possible if both hurt parties keep pushing the other away and the misunderstandings still stand?  Both of us are under stress but still is no excuse to walk out…I don’t care what anyone says, that is so not right.  Anyone have any suggestions?  I guess only time can tell…

In the end, the only bridge to understanding greater is to invite others to share their stories with us.  Some tend to share sporadically and others need the verbal invite to feel like you need them to be apart of their life.  I need to lay my ego down.  I need to also lay my pride down…and just keep focused.  I need to pray more.  I need to realistically get these goals accomplished and move the stones, rocks, and mountains God needs me to move!  I think I owe it to myself anyways.

Interesting thought, huh?  No excuses…

I vow to stop making excuses and start living my life.  I need to remain grounded and keep on making headway…Keep going little CatMan….

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Run so far away….

So a girlfriend of mine was telling me about her day.  She told me how excited that she made it thru her long run!  This long run was no easy task!  There were lots of hills, drunk guys chasing her, and a deer that wanted her as well.  It was treacherous to say the least!

In Washington D.C., I was informed they don’t ever see deer but as of lately the deer population has heightened and invaded.  As she started on her run, she was moving at a swift pace.  Nothing can stop this gazelle!  Long strides, relaxed from her head to her toes…..this girl is throughly enjoying the run!

Well about 3 miles into it she passes a gentleman on the highway clearly drunk.  She avoids him like the plague; however he manages to try to stumble after her!  As she picks up the pace a little more she falls!  (GASP!)  The drunk man gets with in a few feet of her…hurt and bloodied she manages to dust herself off enough to move on!  She runs like the wind until she knows she is out of the crazy man’s reach!

Whoooo…..she’s safe.  She then proceed to press thru this long run of hers.  Over the hills and thru the woods, to grandmothers house she goes!  Not really but it sounded good to put that small detail in there.  Ups and downs.  The thing that gets her thru this part of the run is the fact that her ghetto booty is going to look nice and fine when she’s done.  🙂

Yeah thats right….http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ImZTwYwCug

By the time she is done fantasizing about Sir-Mix-Alot….she realized a deer is coming at her pretty well head on!  EKKK!!!

AHHHHHH!

So she runs at light speed to get passed this deer that is now running at her full speed ahead!  She looks to the right, fakes to the left and just narrowly misses the deer by about 6 inches!  DANG….what a run this has been thus far and as she is almost finished….chug-uh, chug-uh, chug-uh…..chooo chooo!  Keep going little engine!!

As she heads up to her front door step, bloodied and pride damaged, she can finally breathe knowing that there is nothing finally chasing her.  She is safe and sound.  Just as she reaches for the handle of her door she hears this growling at the door….OH NO…..NEIGHBORS DOG! AHHHHH!

Don't underestimate the meanness of this dog...it could get ugly!

Lesson:  Never run outside anywhere in D.C.  Just go to a facility indoors and save yourself the trouble and pain.  Don’t become scarred for life because a drunk homeless dude, a deer and your neighbor’s dog want you!

xoxo,

CatMan