marriage

Marriage…

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MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.– At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

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Carry your candle…

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So, I have decided today was kind of blah.  I got a few things done (cough 2 projects!) and then I was done.  A rough Monday if you will.

This past weekend was filled with interesting happenings.  First off, I think as we all have specific energy that helps gravitate others either away or toward us.  It’s almost like seeing people of light and of dark in a sense.  For me, I tend to attract some pretty cool people but, they might not necessarily be anyones first choice.  I love them!  Those are the people who make things happen.  For an instance, on Friday night when I was getting my nails done, Nicki was the name of the woman who took care of me.  She was going thru some guy issues.  I could tell she had something on her mind, so I asked.  Sometimes, people just need you to ask!   We had an at length conversation about boyfriends, marriage…etc.  🙂  She had a dim light because of all the crap she was going thru…but I guarantee once she eliminates that–she will be in good shape!

Next, my friend Katherine and I ate dinner at a restaurant that has really good sweet tea.  We walked in, out of the cold, and had a delightful time.  I am sure people thought we might be sauced because both of us together are all giggles and politeness.  🙂  Then the manager came around to check on us and we struck up a conversation about his situation!  He was planning a wedding with his 24-year-old fiancée and so we were drilling him on that!  How great…then out of no where he asked me if I wanted a gallon of sweet tea!  UH HECK YES I DO!  My inner child was just jumping for joy!  Best part being I got it for free.

The attraction just kept coming thru the last part of our night at Karaoke.  While we were up singing, the table right in front of us participated in our singing antics.  We were energetic, and just having a blast.  AND the one that I had a connection to was named Gopher.  He was a regular.  We talked about everything.  Literally.  He probably gave me the biggest complement ever that night.  He told me that the reason why I could carry a conversation on with anyone about anything was because I was secure with in myself.  That means this stranger could see what progress I made in the last 2 years.  That is huge.  His light too burned brightly.  So did the stage lights though….

OH my did I feel like such a Rock Star up there!   “DON’T STOP BEELLLLIEEVVING…..HOLD ON TO THAT FEEELLLING!  STREET LIGHTS, PEOPPLLLE!”  (excerpt from Journey-Don’t Stop believing)  By the end of the night, we were dancing on tables and singing at the top of our lungs!  I never thought that would be possible but OH yes it was!  We ended up closing the bar down.

Well on Saturday, it was all about my Special Olympic athletes.  🙂  Totally had Bowling State!  Everyone did so well.  There were 13 athletes that competed.  We had two athletes place first and it was super awesome.  There is just something so special about them.  You could see the nervous looks on their faces as well as succeeding…it is one thing you can just never replace.  I think the coolest thing that happened though on Saturday was when an athlete from another team got a strike.  She ran and gave me a hug!  I just hugged her right back but how precious is that?

I think that if you really think about things and about how we all connect, you might be more inclined to let your light shine a little brighter.  Deal with the situations you are given, take a lesson from each and move on!  Those who understand, will always support you.

Visualize:  A dark world with little specks of light scattered around it, some brightly burning and others dark as night.  Imagine if the specks gravitated toward one another.  What a bold visual!  What if then the semi bright ones also reflected in the darkness and made them bright too?  What a beautiful bright world this would be.  Let us strive for that kind of world today!

 

Carry your candle 🙂

 

 

Peace and Love,

CatMan

I’m getting married!!! :)

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I volunteer with the Special Olympics of Allen County pretty regularly.  I have found that my athletes bring me so much joy.  One in particular is K-Man.  K-Man is a great guy…he’s middle aged, sweet as pie, and was one of my favorite athletes to assist during bowling season.  He just cracked me up!

Our routine was as follows (once he stepped in the door of course!):

-Help him put on his bowling shoes

-Get him set up on his lane (placing his ball on the ball rack was included in this task)

-Then helping him step down to the lane (even though he was perfectly capable of doing it himself) and watching him bowl.

I got to be his cheerleader.  That was pretty spectacular.  He would always ask if he was going to make 100…or if he was half way…always.  Then, he would throw in there “you goweeng to get my boweeng scorr wight?”…to which I would reply…”yes I will help you get your bowling score…but at the end!”….”ok!”  He would always have this big grin on his face and give me these big hugs.

One day he noticed my ring that I wear on my left hand…it wasn’t on my ring finger.  Then that’s where the humor came in…”Arrr you maweed?”, “No (slight chuckle) I’m not married”, “Will you marwee me?”….slight pause….”Someday K-Man, someday.”  He gave me this HUGE hug and just said were getting marweed!  He gave me the biggest kick that day.

What a precious give of grace and perspective.  These athletes–I just cannot explain or express what gifts they have given me!  They are such dolls.  I encourage you to hang out with them sometime.  They will truly change your life!

Me and the K-Man! Isn't he sweet?

xoxoxo,

The Sentimental CatMan