Ode to the Man who can’t set Foot in my House!

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ode\ˈōd\
noun
: a poem in which a person expresses a strong feeling of love or respect for someone or something (thank you Merriam-Webster)

Oh dear boy who refuses to grow up,
Oh lovely boy who refuses to get out of his truck,
Oh why do you never come to the door,
No meet, no greet, no furthermore!?

Oh boy, oh boy what’s your deal?
No real interaction after our meal?
I paid for your love and for your time,
Yet I’m left with a bill as though it was no crime.

My house is not cursed! This I know!
So why you not want to come into show…
My family thinks you are all made up,
What they don’t know is you are a nut!

What are you afraid of? Goosebumps you say?
My father or my mother–they’d make you stay….
Yet…..
You are not good enough to step foot in my door,
So drop me off and say nothing more!

To the boy who refuses to walk me to my door,
To the boy who treats me as though my company’s a bore…

TO. THE. BOY.

I respect your decision. Drive off please now and go in peace!

Yep. Dated a boy who refused to grow up for 4 months. Never met the parents or stepped foot in my house. That just happened! As David at the Dentist might say, “is this real life?” Yes David, this IS real life! If he can’t find time to meet the family…not worth your time.

To ALL women out there who know you are worth waiting for–do not date boys. If you encounter one trying to make you swoon, take a sharp 90 degree turn and walk away to the nearest exit. Then don’t stop until you get to a beach, somewhere. Find a pool boy or a special cabana boy, a pool and an umbrella drink ASAP.

“Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get” Forrest Gump

Yours truly….good night darlings!

Where The Gardener and Pool Boy Meet…

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I have a great inside joke with Super Woman!  First of all, I must tell you I can come up with a witty innuendo for anything.  This one just came to me one day as she was discussing inviting a younger male friend to hang poolside with her last summer.  While she was waiting for his arrival, we had a few short minutes to text.

There is a good….let’s say…..10 years difference between the two of them.  I simply told her that it was very “Desperate Housewives” of her to be hanging with him on the sly.  That’s where I mentioned, “I am now changing your friend’s name to the ‘Gardener'” All she could do was laugh and all I could do was just so honestly come up with humorous responses.  I could have just imagined her face turning bright red….trying to hold back completely laughing out loud…and covering up what the REAL reason for laughing was…”Are your flower’s blooming?  Are they in need of a prune?”  I had myself laughing about it too.  Don’t you love to get people to laugh full bellied??  So as this joke now continued…

Super Woman can kick anyones buttocks at 2 things: running any sort of distance and working out.  She is the queen of Boot Camp.  We always laugh about the “cute men” at the gym who make it easy to work out in the same facility.  It makes it bearable in any circumstance for a single female to see a cute guy in front of her on a neighboring treadmill…(thinking to yourself, “that is the prize!  go get him!  If you run harder, you will get to him faster!”)  It is about that time then either one of 3 things happens: 1) you drop your iPod,  2) trip and fly off the treadmill (this is usually what happens to me), OR 3) fake an asthma attack because you are done running hard.  OK or the 4th situation, where you get a bloody wedgie while running.  That is really comfortable and sexy!!  NOT. (Please read manual on “How NOT to pick up Men at the Gym”, page 309, paragraph 2)

One cute guy at her gym, for name’s sake, we just call him the Pool Boy.  The cabana boy that just makes it a little sweeter sweating a little more.  He is an instructor and friend of Super Woman.  If you would see him, you would totally understand!  Needless to say, neither one of these individuals could be considered a love interest; however each of them provide hours of giggling, beginning of inside jokes, as well as have our undivided attention.  While both the Gardener and Pool Boy are very ‘serious’ individuals, we are not.  We can’t be.  Super Woman and I could probably entertain each other with our goof ball comments and support for hours upon hours!  I am so grateful to have a friend like that.

I think humor sometimes is the best way to lighten the mood up down and around life’s woes.  It is a natural coping mechanism to which can allow one to laugh the misery off and find something to be grateful for when they are feeling down.  The Gardner and the Pool Boy are just a teeny-weeny thing we did to create some humor in our lives aside from the very realization that being a single woman now in this transitional part of our life kind of sucks.  I am glad to be going thru it though.  Maybe I will never be tamed! I am me and I have accepted/laughed at it.  I am comfortable and OK with that.  🙂

One thing we have decided, this must be a world-wide epidemic too, that finding real men our age willing to step up to the plate ready to take a try are few and far between!  It is not just city-wide or the place where you are at right now.  It is everywhere!  It is a true epidemic.  Sure the Gardener and the Pool Boy are nice, but it would be nice to have a “Stand By Me” man who was willing to go thru the ups-and-downs of life with you too.  I would at least like to have a “melt moment” once in a while…is that too much to ask??

❤ The CatMan

 

Uptown Girl.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCuMWrfXG4E

This lovely morning is one of gloom and lots of rain.  I am so excited!  Well here is the best part…I am going to visit Nomad this weekend where it is supposed to rain the WHOLE time!  Then maybe I could convince him that I ‘may melt’ like the Wicked Witch of the West did….for some reason he believes I will be perfectly fine.  Can’t say that I didn’t warn him?!  That is my one and only disclaimer.

Well my bbf (best blogger friend) Techy brought up a great point…I have never posted pictures of my pool boy…WELL here they are!

Last night, I had a doozy of a night that was too good not to share!  I was warming my wax up so I could tame my unruly brows.  Then I went to stir it and it popped!  The hot wax splattered out onto my linoleum floor!  (OH SHIT!)  If anyone has ever dealt or spilled wax before you know how much of a bear it is.  I called Nomad right away “…HEY can you google something for me??”  God love him, he did.  2 spoons, some olive oil and grunting later, I got the majority of it off.  Clearly this Uptown Girl can’t pay someone else to do it so…I was laughing at my stupidity the whole time!!!  Literally, cackling like a mad woman.  Karma…such a bitch!  🙂  Nomad was laughing at me too.  I told him I would get him for that one!  OH man it was still sticky as of this morning and we will see if the “roommates” notice…

Now on to puddle jumping and off to my meetings!  Have a beautiful day and don’t play with hot wax!  Lesson learned!

CatMan

More snow….

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Yes it is still snowing.  Today I feel good.  Rested.  I am glad to be home.  🙂  For your enjoyment, courtesy of YouTube and SNL:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmoTCF4e5Fk&NR=1

Slept in til 1, showered, and unpacked.  Life is good!

 

And just in case you were wondering, no I didn’t bring the pool boy back with me.  😥