The Woman I Desire to Be

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“When a man loves a woman, he has to become worthy of her. The higher her virtue, the more noble her character, the more devoted she is to truth, justice, goodness, the more a man has to aspire to be worthy of her. The history of civilization could actually be written in terms of the level of its women.”

~Venerable Fulton J. Sheen

I came across this very quote a day or two ago on Facebook.  One of my contacts had this posted and it really go me thinking about woman and their purpose with in the realm of this world.  I mean, your day-to-day accommodations, vocations, and everything to which fulfills the beautiful role of being a woman.  There is a lot more to it than you might think!

Something I personally have struggled with is finding my way into discovering what it means to be a real woman.  Not a girl…but a woman.  Not just any woman either.  I want to find my identity as a woman of God.  I will be the first to tell you that I have been on a wily road prior to this investigation. Do I really have what it takes to grow up and be the woman who I know I am being called to be?  I lacked confidence.  I lacked esteem.  Because of my lack of understanding, my heart lacked a desire to change.  Hell, I was doing just fine with where I was at and with what I was doing….but was I really doing as fine as I thought?  I didn’t want to change for a long while because it seemed forced or rather too contrived.  If the CatMan was going to change, then it was most definitely going to be because I wanted to do so.

Recently, I was told and came across many individuals (randomly of course) speaking to me as “You will attract a certain person or type of person”.  This would make sense.  So if I applied that to the long list of ex-s that I have, I am giving off something that is attracting these pathetic jerks who didn’t have a clue what it meant to be the kind of man I deserve!   They are selfish ultimately.  They don’t get it and haven’t a clue either.  I think that I am a compassionate person to an extent that I have no boundaries.  I want to be there and help whomever and wherever needed.  I could also say compassionate to a fault.  I realized a few life lessons through my 12+ years of dating to which makes me finally desire to take the leap and make the necessary changes.  The next time I visit the grocery, I am not leaving with a bunch of bad apples.  I will be shopping for exactly what I came for…

1.  You have to love and fully accept yourself.  Anyone ever watch Silver Lining Playbook?  Tiffany, Jennifer Lawrence’s character, has a past and yet that is not who she is when she meets Bradley Cooper’s character.  She fully accepts that she was a slut, but that is apart of her.  She loves that it’s apart of her.  She understands that was a place she went and she is making a change.  Accepting the good parts of yourself and the bad parts will help you learn and acclimate to what you desire to be.  For me personally, I can accept that crazy road I ventured on as that is not me today.  It is however a part of me and what made me realize even more so my need for God in my life.  I have accepted my sins happen.  I am human.  I am doomed to fall and that my friends is written in my very DNA.  That helix is laced with my many flaws and short comings.  And hey, guess what?  God knows this and He loves me anyways!

2.  If you attract assholes, then you are probably being an asshole.  This one took me a while to figure out.  I didn’t really get how my decisions and shortcomings led me to only date assholes.  A long list of assholes at that!  You see, I had low self-esteem  and confidence in myself.  I thought that I “needed” what these men could offer.  Well for reflection sake, not really sure I needed ANY of what they had to offer except for a listening ear!  I was being a complete asshole to myself first and foremost.  I was in return being an asshole to those around me because we all know that it is the natural progression of things.  Then, I was attracting like-minded assholes that were in worse shape than me!  The ones who stuck out this phase, ended up knowing that was just a phase and not what I ultimately was going for which I am pretty grateful.  I have 5 very close friends and a big family to which loves me despite everything.

3.  You are surrounded by living examples each and everyday, sometimes you just need to open your eyes!  OK.  For the longest time, I have taken those around me for granted.  My mom and I for example used to butt heads more than anyone I know!  It was a mutual lack of understanding for where one another was at in life.  Now looking back at it, it just was this tremulous period for the both of us.  I was immature.  I was going through whatever teenagers/young adults go through.  It took me until recently, living with my grandma, to understand my mom better.  I lived with my grandma for just over a year and my mom is so much like her mom it’s not even funny.  My mom of course is in a different period in her life than her mother, but now I have been given another example of a true woman.  My mom is a control freak.  She likes to think she has more control than she does and because of that it causes conflict.  My grandma used to be the same way.  My mom has gotten a lot better over the years as far as just letting go of the fact that her adult children are going to make their decisions and she has little input in the way they live their life.  My mom will subtly present her opinion in a tactful manner but ultimately we were raised to be individuals.  Grandma prays.  Right now she is toward the later part of her life and she spends good and earnest time praying.  She has a peace about her.  She no longer worries about what her children are doing nor does she let that bother her.  Her control and worry has been given up to God.   Both woman are examples of the sort of woman I desire to become.  Here they are right in front of me!  Both go to church, say their prayers, make time to teach and be there for their families.  They spend time feeding, clothing, and running children’s rear ends around town….they did this out of love for all of us.  That is amazing.

4. Make a grocery list and don’t lose sight until you get everything you set out to get!  I likened my “ex list” a little like going to the grocery.  I am making too many trips to the grocery to buy things I don’t need (AKA DRAMA), want (a “man” who “cares” about you HA!), and over all I am falling short!  I am paying WAY TOO MUCH for bad unnecessary goods!  So I am making a grocery list accordingly and not taking my eyes off of it until I get what I set out to have.  I deserve it.  I am not going to settle for anything less this time.  I deserve the best you know…

The person I desire to become is a woman who is virtuous.  She is a well-rounded, thoughtful, and caring individual who puts others needs first.  She doesn’t limit God to working through her to fulfill her very purpose of being created.  She possesses true compassion, patience, and doesn’t worry about what she lacks.  She prays regularly.  She dresses modestly.  She is confident in who she is as a woman of God.  She stands firm in her beliefs.  She loves wholeheartedly despite outcome or without expectation.  She is honest and truthful.  She possess integrity.  She has humility and knows she is not perfect.  She has her own style and is confident in wearing it.  She equally knows she will never stop trying to be a better person despite her flaws.  She will persevere and carry what cross she is being asked to carry without question.  She is slow to anger and quick to forgive.  She is loyal, faithful, and devout always.

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I may not be that woman today…but I will never stop moving forward.  Maybe one day I will get there and maybe one day I won’t.  Regardless, I will never stop desiring to be that woman.  Life is a journey you know…

A girl can dream can’t she? 😉
CatMan

 

A Friend: Needs and Loves

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“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”
― Elbert Hubbard

There are some friends that just hang around.  They might not be consistently there in your life and yet they enter in and out when you need them the most.  Like a woven ribbon, in and out during periods of your life to which they need you or you need them.   Visualize.

When you look at your life and the plethora of situations, persons to which have broken your heart, those who have supported you through all of it….those who have been there when a family member passes away and it is hard.  Those who are there to listen, provide advice, pray with you, and those who understand.  A friend might not be there for all of your life, but those who are there through enough of the worst times and the good times will see your character and growth.  When you aren’t at your best and when you are at your best–that friend could care less as all they want to do is be there for you to love on you.  They chose to love you anyways.

A friend accepts you as you are when you meet them.  A friend understands you are as much of a work in progress as they are.  A true friend will be honest with you and be there when you need them the most.  A friend is able to love on you when far away.  A friend finds a way to remind you (when you aren’t feeling special or particularly positive about yourself) that you matter to them and “…without YOU friend, WITHOUT YOU, my life would be out of sorts.”  A friend will keep you in check when you are being a fool.  A friend will call you out when you aren’t being the best you can be, yet they will lovingly help you get to where you CAN be the best version of yourself at that moment in time if you allow them to help.  Whether this friend physically, spiritually, mentally or emotionally is connected with you (or all of the above)–whether you see them every day or not–a good friend is hard to come by.

Hang on to those friends when you find them; the ones who will love you no matter what you have become, continue to be, or desire to be.  They are our life line.  They are our sanctity, pleasure, grace.  Those relationships are the very glue that will help mold you and keep you growing.  Never take these friends for granted.

Reciprocation is also advised.  If you are given an opportunity where your friend needs you–be there for them as much as you are able to be.  It is in that rhythmic give and take of your friendship to which both parties will develop even more respect for one another…you will begin to have a relationship with this person which will mutually become even more meaningful.  So even though friends might not be there through it all, they might desire to be in the end.  That is the beauty of friendship.  It is the very foundation to which all things meaningful begin.

I challenge you today to evaluate your friendships.  Evaluate who is meaningful to you, who you haven’t been such a good friend to, and those who have the potential to be even more to you.  It will only enrich your life further.

❤ CatMan

I’m on top of the World, eh!

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Think about all the lovers and hurts you have accumulated up until this point in time.  Why didn’t your relationship work?  Did you realize that you fell out of “love”?  Did you realize that the words uttered were not consistent with the actions given in return?  Did you realize that you were duped?  This is where the hurt all begins….

Putting yourself out there is a hard task.  Those who are willing to do so shouldn’t be the ones getting burned.  Our generation has such a skewed view of what relationships should be like.  Our generation is lazy and has been given every opportunity to look for the easy way through school, work, relationships alike and because of that we get hurt.  They say they are trying to be “efficient” well my friend what you don’t get is that the extra time and effort invested into a relationship is called working hard for it.  If you don’t see it as being “easy” you don’t just jump ship.  That is a pathetic excuse for laziness and a quick way to be labeled as coward.

I am trying to really look at love in a different light this year.  Love is not something to take for granted or take lightly.  Love is a precious gem.  Love is hard work.  I was taught to love everyone, that is not to say I am going to “like” them all of the time, but I am called to treat them exactly how I expect others to treat me.  I have really tried to embrace this especially with those who have hurt me so deeply.

Loving someone is a conscious choice.  You do it because you are called to do so.  You are doing it because you know that ultimately down the road you hope someone would choose to love you too.  Love through the hurt.  It helps.  Embrace the hurt you feel right now and start taking baby steps toward GOOD relationships.

Let’s choose love…you deserve it!  You deserve to feel love and give love.  Why?  Because it makes you a better person in the end and that is all that matters.  You are one step closer toward being the best version of yourself you can be.  🙂  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8PrTzLaLHc

❤ The CatMan

HORAY for progress today!

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Today was and has been crazy insane.  Too much little projects on my plate but to much of my dismay, it is all starting to pay off.  I feel like good progress is being made and most of all POSITIVE momentum is being generated in a very amazing and real fashion.  HORAY for progress today!

 

HORAY! I did it!

 

I always am a work in progress…or in the process of things getting done slowly but surely but, today I have a true sense of accomplishment!!!  I just wanted to add, and did it with calmness and composure like a classy lady should !   😉

THE CatMan