Love is…motivation and a verb!

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I am still venting over a situation that happened later in the day yesterday.  I am no longer angry….but in a simple sense I am now left motivated. 🙂

Love is a Verb...this motivates me to continue to love when others cannot!

Love is a Verb…this motivates me to continue to love when others cannot!

A friend to whom I considered a pretty close friend and I got into it.  Long story short, he hit a transition in his life and is acting out.  He is hurt and being reckless.  I have been trying to care enough to reach out.  I wanted to reach out to make sure he was OK.  He stopped talking to me.  I knew something was up.  SO, I see that he is magically in a relationship on the Book of Face.  I am sorry, but I had to do what I did.  If I was in a smacking distance, he would have gotten a smack for sure.

Last time, I saw this friend was in April.  It had been since college since the last time I saw him.  At least 5 years…or so.  To make a long story short, we both exchanged “I love you’s” and a kiss or so.  That always makes things more complicated.  We have known each other for almost 8 years and he pulled this card.  We didn’t talk about the kiss or exchange of words or anything until I brought it up yesterday in a moment of complete courage and honesty.  He knows I care enough….but right now, I stand for a truth he cannot yet face.  Hence why the label would be “overbearing” and the underlying emotion is a combo of anger, guilt, and “immediate physical gratification”.  

At this point, he is in a high level of uncertainty and hurt.  Dealing with coming back from deployment transition, a break-up over that deployment, missing his family as he is no where near them, and coming up on the crossroad of a career change.  That is a hell of a lot to process alone.  He is putting himself through this complete hell.  So like a good friend, I reach out and try to be loving.  That is just me being me being me.

For the first time in my life, since knowing Dr. Pepper, this is the first time it has gotten remotely hard to love on him.  The conversation yesterday made me initially angry.  I was so furious with him.  He knew I was mad too.  He claimed it was because I was passionate–I was overbearing.  That is not it at all.  I am a passionate person yes.  But I am coming across “overbearing” because I care too much when he doesn’t care at all.

Now, Saturday night into Sunday morning, I couldn’t sleep.  So, I wrote a letter.  I wrote an unsent letter to him.  July 7, 2013.  I wrote out the very things I wanted so badly to tell him explaining my actions and observations, yet time didn’t allow it.  The time was not right to send it.  So now, I sit here with a letter that does no good and a feud with a long time friend over what??   Me trying to make an attempt at being a better friend to him.  The same night as the letter, I heard in my heart that I am not praying enough.  I needed to really try to pray much more.  NOW I see why!!

I must confess I can feel Dr. Pepper in my heart.  I felt the restlessness prior to the letter and about 2 weeks leading up to this blow-up.  I feel confusion, tension, and most of all he is just uncertainty.  I let it it go.  I pray…then move on…

He said a lot of very funny things to me.  He said that when he said “I love you” it was only in the friend sort of way.  Um…then we kissed?  Friend’s don’t kiss or say I am glad this didn’t happen prior to this point either.  A mutual friend said his body language was not consistent with that comment.  Nonverbal language speak volumes.   And maybe it was awkward for him.

He really had the audacity to say “don’t be offended.  I don’t let people in”…After 8 years, how could I not be offended??  Then I asked him how he could be in a relationship if he “didn’t let people in”…that isn’t going to work unless the relationship is based around one thing and one thing hurt people know well (take it from someone who has been there) physical aspect only.  Carefree interaction.  Someone to hang out with and do things with. No honest commitment.  Simply IDEAL for someone who just doesn’t care.  It is horrible and in the end it just sucks even more.  

All you are doing is using each other to get by until your so miserable you can’t breathe and you either choose to move on or move to the next level.  I chose to move on in my situation.   It was masked by “I love you”  but, really it wasn’t that at all.  It was more infatuation than anything.  That is what I found out.  What a trick, thinking I actually cared about a person when all it did was leave me bruised and even more broken.  Learned a hell of a lot though about myself and what I didn’t want.

So what is the purpose in all of this?  To pray more and not worry about it.  Love is a verb remember!  Some get it and others do not.  We love them even more through prayer and that is all I have to say.  It no longer makes me angry as much as this situation motivates me to keep moving forward and pray harder for his tormented self.  Love is a choice.  It is better to choose to love through prayer and keep moving forward.

I suppose this was bound to happen eventually right?    🙂

ON a high note, I got closure with Nomad on Independence Day.  That was both rewarding and delightful. YAHOOOOOOO!  Clarity was finally achieved Captain!


CatMan

I’m on top of the World, eh!

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Think about all the lovers and hurts you have accumulated up until this point in time.  Why didn’t your relationship work?  Did you realize that you fell out of “love”?  Did you realize that the words uttered were not consistent with the actions given in return?  Did you realize that you were duped?  This is where the hurt all begins….

Putting yourself out there is a hard task.  Those who are willing to do so shouldn’t be the ones getting burned.  Our generation has such a skewed view of what relationships should be like.  Our generation is lazy and has been given every opportunity to look for the easy way through school, work, relationships alike and because of that we get hurt.  They say they are trying to be “efficient” well my friend what you don’t get is that the extra time and effort invested into a relationship is called working hard for it.  If you don’t see it as being “easy” you don’t just jump ship.  That is a pathetic excuse for laziness and a quick way to be labeled as coward.

I am trying to really look at love in a different light this year.  Love is not something to take for granted or take lightly.  Love is a precious gem.  Love is hard work.  I was taught to love everyone, that is not to say I am going to “like” them all of the time, but I am called to treat them exactly how I expect others to treat me.  I have really tried to embrace this especially with those who have hurt me so deeply.

Loving someone is a conscious choice.  You do it because you are called to do so.  You are doing it because you know that ultimately down the road you hope someone would choose to love you too.  Love through the hurt.  It helps.  Embrace the hurt you feel right now and start taking baby steps toward GOOD relationships.

Let’s choose love…you deserve it!  You deserve to feel love and give love.  Why?  Because it makes you a better person in the end and that is all that matters.  You are one step closer toward being the best version of yourself you can be.  🙂  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8PrTzLaLHc

❤ The CatMan

When Harry Met Sally….Challenge for love continues!

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This weekend was spent learning a lot about love.  I am brought to one of my all time favorite movies of all time…When Harry Met Sally.  I love the chemistry between Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal. “Humping and pumping isn’t Sheldon’s strong suite”

As human beings we are constantly making and breaking bonds.  The bonds we do break leave imprints positive or for the negative.  Bonds that exist could be one of many types–physical, chemical, emotional, mental or spiritual.  Some people immediately connect and for that reason we must always be on guard.

There are songs written about love all the time.  But I don’t feel like the songs speaking of this love thing are really referring to love as much as they are referring to lusting for someone.  People automatically think sleeping with someone makes you able to love a person but that simply is not the truth at all.  Sleeping with someone out of context only leaves you open for physical and emotional hurt.  Why bring that upon ourselves?

What I have discovered that in order to know what love actually is you must have God involved.  He is the definition of selfless love.  Forgive me if this is a less than perfect verbalization.  Love is not simply partial but fully inclusive.  It doesn’t choose parts of a person, but desires a total transformation and fulfillment.  Love ultimately is a choice.  You choose to love others just as you choose anything else.  Love starts with appreciating who you are, what you have gone through and making a vow to commit to someone who sees how precious you are!

“Someone is staring at you in personal growth….” I believe the best things start from a friendship.  I believe this goes against what Harry states on that cab ride to NY, yet I am a firm believer.  If you cannot be there for your friends or yourself, how the heck else can you be there for a significant other that you are potentially have a family with…yeah I just don’t think that is possible!

Strangely, my dad and I were talking about relationships.  I haven’t necessarily had the best track record to date.  I am grateful for my past as it makes me feel like a survivor.  It wasn’t easy but heck now I know what I stand for and just how important it is to date the right person.  It is setting standards and never compromising on what is important to you.  Morals especially.

So, how do you know if you ‘love’ someone?  That’s the next thing on the list.  Love NOT lust someone.  Love is putting someone else’s needs in front of your own.  “The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves and not to twist them to fit our own image.  Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them” Thomas Merton (No man is an Island)  Love is a broad word.  It is something that should never be taken lightly.  It is something that we should all strive to do.  Think about this quote I just posted.  It is not just limited to those individuals we know and encounter on a regular basis.  It is also the strangers on the street, the customers, the people who give us grief…it is about loving each person with the same love.  Of course, we demonstrate that love differently for each person we encounter, but the underlying love shouldn’t change.

Support, commit, and love on someone you normally wouldn’t today.  🙂

Harry Burns: I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, I love you.

Sally Albright: What?

Harry Burns: I love you.

Sally Albright: How do you expect me to respond to this?

Harry Burns: How about, you love me too.

Sally Albright: How about, I’m leaving.

Harry Burns: I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.