What a trip, a pick up, and a final destination…

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There are moments in time where you feel like against all odds or warnings you can do something.  Do you have something to prove?  Well maybe…or maybe you just totally think that this is the best idea ever so you just go ahead and do it anyways.  This was one of those moments for me.

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Stealth...minus Kay Man's...sigh...

It is not above and beyond making myself look like a dork on any given day of the week that ends in ‘y’.  I decided that I was going to wear a hat and scarf on my exotic trip to the city.  I realized it was a little breezy but not A LOT breezy to which wearing the hat was semi worthless.  It was sunny so I also had a pair of Kay Man’s on so I was really looking stealth…

So once all decisions were finalized…I was off to the big city.  I had to drive “the bug” to catch my next ride.  I was heading to my girlfriend Lizard’s house where we were going to ride together to the big city.  It was quite the trip getting there.  

I spilled coffee on my new dress.  I was yelling at myself at the fact that the reason I am now feeling warm and fuzzy wasn’t because of a “normal” reason…sigh.  The car next to me, well let’s just put it this way…I saw more than I bargained for and got a “full moon”…heavier sigh.  Then I received a phone call.  

Now, I just want to let you know that it is not out of the ordinary for me to talk to myself, usually, and talk with my hands.  I am a little dramatic at times but got to add a little flavor to the conversation.  MUST KEEP ENGAGED!  When I received the phone call, I had my bluetooth in…I got laughed at because people couldn’t see it and thought I was just holding a conversation with the people in my head!  Not that I don’t like doing that every once and a while but they are not as entertaining on a 2 hour car ride as they are just for a 5 minute trip to Wal-Mart…

This conversation was one where I was really trying to describe something.  I cannot even tell you now what exactly it was but dear o dear my arms were flailing.  I am sure as an innocent by standard you would be making a call…..(if you want to play along…plug your nose with your first and second finger and read what the operator says) “9-1-1 How can I help you?”…”Yes there is a CRAZZY lady driving on Route 67 S (location has been changed to protect the innocent) and she is off the wall!”….”Please elaborate sir…does she have a weapon?”….”Ma’am, if you consider flailing arms a weapon then yes…oh and it appears as though she has some big guns as well!”…”OH WELL THEN, we will send someone right away!!”  

Next thing I know, I knocked my coffee over again.  GRRRR….so much for innocently talking on the phone….next thing I know I am being pulled over…(double grrr….)  By this time I am afraid I have steam blowing out my ears, my beautiful designer scarf is wet and stained from constant coffee spillage and I am pretty sure I wet myself!  (thank goodness for depends!  NEVER leave home without them!  😉  )  I am so nervous…and the officer approaches my passenger side window.  He motions to roll my window down…”Officer.  How are you this afternoon?”…”Ma’am I am doing better than you I suppose…license and registration please!”  This is what is going through my head:  (Oh geez!  Now he is going to judge me on my horrible picture…I am sure glad that I have my new clothes on….oh no!  What if I have anything in my teeth?  Darn it.  OH he has a cute butt…crap I can’t believe that I have coffee stains on my new scarf…)  Knock, knock, knock.  The officer was back.  He states very simply, “Ma’am we’re going to have to search your car.”  FOR WHAT?!  “Now ma’am, if we do not find anything then we will allow you to go but if we find anything suspicious then we will have to take you in to the station…”  I simply nod and get out of the car and let him do what he has to do.  Going back through my thoughts again…(Take me in?!  Who does he think he is?  Does he know who I am???  –sometimes I have the tendency to think I am more important than I really am–What on earth did I do!  Oh my parents are going to kill me!) “Ma’am, would you open this bag up for me right here?”  Sure why the heck not!  This isn’t as bad as the airport at all!  Then the worst thing happened, all my under garments, socks, deodorant, and hair stuff flies everywhere!  (I thought it was “breezy not full out monsoon winds!!)  My hat flies off and runs away.  My Kay Man’s (which were so expensive!) fell off and the officer accidentally stepped on them.  Then the unimaginable happens…my skirt flew up and my skivvies were 100% were exposed. (EPIC FAIL)  I feel like I no longer want to do anything at this point except for crawl into a bloody hole and die!  The officer then proceeds to tell me that he would have to pat me down and at this point I wanted to say didn’t you see that I had nothing concealed??!?!?  You saw it all you jerk!  BUT I DIDN’T…He asked me to get back into the car.  That part was officially completed.

Next thing, he asks me (being the bright fellow he was) if I knew why I was being pulled over….”UM…I don’t know….SPEEDING?” No.  That was not the reason.  (This officer was a doozy!)  “No ma’am, I pulled you over because you were suspected to have a concealed weapon….” Now me being a smart @$$, I proceeded to say, “My weapons AREN’T concealed sir…I wear my guns proud!” I then flexed.  OK at this point, I should have simply kept my mouth shut because just as I said that, he got his book out and started scribbling.  I just lay my head against my steering wheel (since I was without my pretty hat).  I heard a rip and then he hands it to me.

You would never believe what this ticket said…not in a million years!

 

“Indecent exposure!” and he left his name and number.  No fine.  No fee.  Just a pick up.  SERIOUSLY?

OH the irony…oh the shame!  He must have thought I was really easy….darn wind!

 

I wait until he drives off and then I proceeded on to the remainder of my journey to Lizard’s house.  Almost an 60 minutes later (sorry “an hour” is so over used)….I arrive with no hat, wet and sloppy scarf and dress.  No glasses.  Pride shattered.  I did have a number and ticket though and yet I am one hot mess.  By the time I arrive, I just want a warm shower and to sleep this one off.  Maybe another day sweet big city….maybe another day…

❤ CatMan

 

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“Catch the sun before it’s gone”

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First off, ANYONE that says Fort Wayne IN has medians everywhere has never been to Orlando!  There are a bazillion of them literally!  Today I had a free day with Mr.Y.  Both of us could not have gone straight to the show after flying.  We had been mildly under the weather, semi stressed out, and over all just had to get organized enough that it wouldn’t be enough for us to justify it.

Today we ventured SE to Cocoa Beach.  It was beautiful and wonderful.  We made a lot of friends.  It was well worth it.  I talked to the ladies in Dunkin’ Donuts, I got hit on by a kid on the beach and he was pretty cute, met a painter who does wonderful work…he was a trip, collected sea shells with the children and just laid out some.

Cocoa Beach as painted by Jeff

Note to Male hitting on a Female: Please don’t talk about yourself like you are the best thing since sliced bread.  Please don’t ask a girl to lift her sunglasses up so he can see your face, or show her your muscular thigh thinking it might impress her….because guess what it won’t and if you are lucky her thighs might be better looking than yours.  ALSO, just because you work as a personal trainer, it doesn’t mean shit!  🙂  I am just saying.  Ok now that that is off my chest.  No but picture it like this skinny wannabe buff guy, flat billed white Hurley hat, Ray Ban’s, and then shaved chest and try to take the man seriously….

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So probably should have prefaced this situation a bit:  Mr. Y and I are staying in Orlando.  We drove an hour away to go to Cocoa Beach.  It was a nice easy drive and we got there around 10am.  I picked up 30 SPF sunscreen.  The spray kind.  I thought that I was being so proactive.  Yeah.  Now that you know that…….I am going to continue…..

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We spent from 10-3 pm at the beach.  I made friends with the parking lot guy (per usual).  He was from Chicago (couldn’t tell his accent AT ALL) and he moved down here with his wife and family about 10 years ago and not been back since.  He owned a car dealership.  Interesting huh?  Well anyways….Mr. Y and I rented chairs and sat out all day in the sun.  I sprayed my body all over then had Tom reinforce it.

I played in the waves, looked for sea shells with the children playing on the beach, making fun of the life guards whom were having quite a social hour…, we talked and made friends with Jeff the painter who was actually a pretty cool dude.  Originally from FL, then lived in Hawaii, and some other areas.  He paints with Acrylics.  I was so amazed by his beautiful shots of the beach…they were just fabulous.  But, he has been doing it for 20 years….

ANYWAYS, when we were ready to go, we gathered our stuff and got in the car.  We went to a place that was recommended by Jeff the painter.  We had to pull several U-turns…when we get there…Greek Food.  We both get the beer battered Flounder.  It wasn’t all the way done so we just kind of rushed on out of there ($40) later….at least the root beer was good!  SO, we just drove back to Orlando.  Well the thing is we just kind of winged it and the GPS got pissy.  REALLY irritating when you are going the right way and it keeps telling you to turn around…so finally we get back and showered.  When I stepped into the bathroom area OH DEAR GOSH! I realized just how bad my tan was!  I was splotchy burnt everywhere!  Talk about a sun screen fail….or maybe operator error?  I bought some $10 aloe and then Mr. Y and I ventured for dinner….since we didn’t want to get sick on BAD FISH.

TGI Fridays, a sangria, an apple martini, and nachos later life is good!  Best dinner ever and we were close to home!  All in all crazy day!  Now I prep for tomorrow and sleep!