What’s it Gonna Be?

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8wO-b95z14

Today, I was in the car driving and one of my favorite En Vogue songs ever.  This one just kind of gets the hamster wheels a going and makes you think “poop or get off the pot”.  Since February I have been dealing with a ton of emotional pieces and changes.  I also recently had a friend call me out stone cold on something that I needed to change about myself.  Here is kind of how it went down.

Over the past months I have been discerning some additions to my already overflowing gift basket of qualities.  I have been considering going back to school in August for hair.  I dealt with an emotional break-up…still hurt, I need to address some aspects of myself that I have to change.  It is apparent that the hurt is still very fresh and there; however those who have hurt me are not so understanding of why I have such emotions and negativity.  I turned into a busy body.  I have also turned into a short fuse.  The fuse tends to go off at those I love the most.  Which haha…well it was my dad 2 weeks ago and Nomad earlier this week.  That is not good.  This person called me out big time and then I said somethings that I really didn’t mean.  They pushed further out because they took it personally and they just didn’t want to deal with it.  I know I am not perfect, but I know darn well that I am trying my hardest to get to where I need to be.  I have a plan and goals…but in the process of getting there I need for this hurt to be addressed as not to fuse out on certain people anymore.

I don’t want you thinking that I only spoke hurtful things because I didn’t.  I said some very honest things too.  These things he needed to hear as much as I needed to hear what he said to me.  He is completely right as well as I was, but even after apology he wont own up to it being HIS fault I am hurting.  He has nothing to say about that.  I cannot change that either.  Unless someone is willing to say, “hey I am sorry for treating you as bad just months back!”  the hurt will always remain.  Maybe it isn’t in the cards for us to be friends at this point or ever.

It is a hard thing to realize that you are ONLY in control of yourself and YOUR journey.  This is a hard thing for me to understand, but I am getting there.  I am coming around slowly.  In my mind, I would want someone to warn me if they thought I was in the wrong or headed down a path of self-destruction.  Apparently not everyone wants that kind of warning.  I think true friends understand that warning system.

How does a friendship move past these little explosions and get on to having a loving relationship?  How is this possible if both hurt parties keep pushing the other away and the misunderstandings still stand?  Both of us are under stress but still is no excuse to walk out…I don’t care what anyone says, that is so not right.  Anyone have any suggestions?  I guess only time can tell…

In the end, the only bridge to understanding greater is to invite others to share their stories with us.  Some tend to share sporadically and others need the verbal invite to feel like you need them to be apart of their life.  I need to lay my ego down.  I need to also lay my pride down…and just keep focused.  I need to pray more.  I need to realistically get these goals accomplished and move the stones, rocks, and mountains God needs me to move!  I think I owe it to myself anyways.

Interesting thought, huh?  No excuses…

I vow to stop making excuses and start living my life.  I need to remain grounded and keep on making headway…Keep going little CatMan….

Restore faith in yourself…

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–One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn’t pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.– Lucille Ball  (LOVE HER BY THE WAY….)

I lOVE Lucy….no not the show, although I watched it frequently as a child.  Lucille Ball is one of my favorite all time actresses.  I think because I can relate with her uncanny timing, laughter, and “well poop” situations.  It never failed that she could always get herself in trouble.  But, the witty actress had a great humor and could get even the deepest ‘Negative Nancy’s’  to laugh.  Humor was a great way this star kept things light.  It never seemed to fail that she was going to find herself in a predicament and then you would  hear a  “LLLUUUUUUUUCCCCCCYYYYYYY” (of course) in a Cuban accent.   She never gave up on herself and never gave up faith to keep being a great actress.  She kept a great outlook along the way…

One very hard thing to understand is why things happen the way they do.  Why is it that good people have bad things happen?  Well that is just life.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ig4jbcU9db0 .  So in order to “cope with life” we must keep things in their respective places with perspective.  Let’s not make anything a bigger deal than what it is and if we have a problem with someone or something let’s strive to get past it.  Holding on to those negative feelings or ideas will never ever do anything for you.

Today as we go through our life and coping, if our perspective is out of whack, then let’s shift our focus inward and see what is REALLY going on!  Normally when my perspective is off kilter, it is nothing the other person or thing has done at this point.  It is nine times out of ten my lack of understanding that is what causes it.  The initial bad thing happened.  OK it’s done and let it lie there.  No need to continue dragging the event out past the initial.  So then that needs to be filed away, but keep in mind if a certain person is always causing you grief it might behoove you to reexamine this relationship with them in regards to your own personal and mental health.

Next, when you feel life is shaking you from your very core, remember your values and believes.  If you have a solid foundation then stand up and stand firm!  Stand strong.  Nothing can harm you at this point in the game.  Finally, restore faith in yourself and like Lucille Ball said, “…it doesn’t pay to get discouraged”.  Stay positive and you will go far…

Step 1:  Keep everything in perspective.

Step 2: When something goes wrong, find a solution, don’t dwell on it and move on as quick as possible…

Step 3:  Stand firm in your values and believes.

Step 4:  Have faith in yourself and don’t get discouraged.

What can you do today to keep yourself in check?  Stay positive?

Oh to be yourself…Go walk naked!

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“To be nobody but yourself in a world that’s doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting.”  –E.E. Cummings

So I am really struggling right now blog friends.  I am finally starting to understand how much really loving people…not like your average gushy mushy love, but really pouring forward all emotions and heart into others is very hard.  This means practicing understanding, patience, kindness, trust, and knowing eventually this period of love will pay off, Right?  Practicing and encompassing all gifts of virtue and yet, strange enough that is not enough for a person to come to grips with how much love you are giving to them!  Love is so foreign people who reside on the surface.  They try to walk 100% away from this “love” thing because it is a vulnerable foreign feeling found only at the very core of our beings and when we were children.  As adults, this is a feeling that is a rarity and seemingly so distant in our current live style.

Our hearts can become hard.  Our attitude callused.  And then when we find someone to which is willing to pour forth love and give you anything/everything you need for success–we are confused, tormented, and fearful as to WHY?  Why me?  Why do you have this invested in me?  What did I ever do to you?  Well the simple answer is you didn’t have to do anything…it is just because I love you!

As hard as this feeling of love is in demonstrating it to others…I think it can at times be hard to be yourself in such a world that can be cold and cruel.  One should be themselves and have the strength and courage to do so to the best of their ability.  Just simply being yourself is hard.  Being yourself doesn’t mean being misguided like these “little rebels” can be…but, being yourself means stripping the fluff off and developing what’s left.  That is the real you.

What a confusing, sometimes bitter cold world we live in today.  Despite the negative, we must strive to ALWAYS find hope.  There is still a lot of that in this world.  Although you might have to dig a little deeper to find it.  It will be well worth the scavenger hunt when the treasure: HOPE is found.

 

Last night, I was asked if I had ever been “skinny” dipping.  (gasp!)  Well not in the way he was thinking, but I have started walking naked more often.

Go on a walk today.  Naked.  I dare ya!

“Oh…but I can’t!”  (you respond)

“Oh…but you can and you will probably love it!” says the CatMan!

(The crowd GASPS…….)

Strip yourself down to your core and walk around naked.  You might actually like that version of you.  That’s the hope I am talking about!  You might feel smut free then and you may actually feel better about letting yourself out!  Get to know the real you and embrace!  Once that naked beautiful person comes out of the hard shell they were in, you could just discard that shell (as you won’t need it anymore).  Don’t be afraid!  The real you is not so bad.

 

We do it to Pistachio nuts all the time.  They are considered elite nuts and when shelled they are beautiful!   Precious green goodness.   Just remind yourself that when you are second guessing “going naked”.  🙂

That is all,

❤ The CatMan

A dose of Silence and a Goose Egg

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We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature – trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence… We need silence to be able to touch souls.
Mother Teresa

What have you noticed in the silence today?   Have you had a moment to breathe?  To savor God’s presence?  To observe all that is good?  To notice a difference in perspective on a situation?  To make a decision?  To learn a little deeper understanding?

Yesterday, my sister (Cream Puff) and I were horsing around and she threw a plastic bottle at my head!  It was pretty funny and I must admit that I started it all.  But her reciprocating was drilling my head resulting in a goose egg!   A nice tender spot.  Also this night did not end with this madness but, as soon as my other sister (Jamocha Shake) got home with her boyfriend (The Ox).   They were just sitting and talking on her bed and then Cream Puff and I snuck in and attacked.

We were all laying as follows, closest to the wall on right side: Cream Puff, Jamocha Shake, The Ox, and me.  I was just on the edge and I hit Jamocha Shake and she didn’t punch hard as much as she fully extended her arm.  In return, I lost my balance and fell right off the bed laughing!  Of course, Jamocha has the highest bed too.  We all were crying we were laughing so hard….The Ox was the only one that asked if I was OK (for the record!)

The next morning, a small bruise appeared on the forehead, a hurting hip, and a butt that felt bruised.  Oh but it was a great laugh!   🙂  Never a dull moment with family!

OH and Nomad is going to be an uncle!  How awesome is that???  YAY!

xoxo
CatMan

FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!

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OK so today’s status=happy!  I just ordered room service and it looks delicious!  I finished eating it and not three seconds later the darn fire alarm goes off!  BAM!  Just like that I shove my boots on, grab my room key and run down to get myself to the lobby.  When I got to the lobby, I first asked if this was for real.  It was but, not actually for a fire….just a water pipe.  (THANK GOODNESS!)

There have been many firsts this trip for me.  Since I have not had my bag all week I have been forced to wash my undies and socks in the sink of my hotel.  I blew them dry with a hair dryer.  check.  I also have sparked and met so many wonderful people in such a foreign place.  I have had many of spiritual experiences that I could not have had anywhere else.  I am so blessed.  I got to bond with some wonderful women that I would have never met had I not got stranded.  I ordered ROOM SERVICE!  Yes, that was a first.  I talked with some gentlemen around the bar about politics and morals and that was definitely a first!  AND most of all I fended for myself.  I made it and I did it.  I busted out of my sheltered shell and I had a great few days vacation!  I was placed here with a bigger purpose.  Bigger than me for sure.

Now I enjoy my coffee.  Relaxing and listening to Spoon.  Here have a tastes courtesy of http://www.youtube.com:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaqWSGenyE0.

I now understand a few things that I would have never understood before if I had not just gone thru what I did.  There are many people who are bright souls.  Listen to your instinct and be kind to everyone.  You never know what is up in their world. You always will be blessed with kindness if you give and recognize kindness.  Recognize as equal as you do the GOOD, the BAD as well and rebuke it.  For it is when you recognize and rebuke the evil that you are able overcome and have a deeper understanding of where you stand and ultimately love.

Today I recognize my roots.  I am grounded.  I am beautiful and I am me.  Nothing about that is anything less than wonderful and amazing.  I want to be in good light so that I might touch more people’s lives in a POSITIVE way.  I love those who surround me with light and love and for those who don’t…you are still in my heart.  🙂

“Everything at this very moment is beautiful.  Everything right at this moment is turned from chaos to peace.  I recognize I am only human but thru listening to my instinct, my heart and soul and most of you almighty God my life will continue to forever change into light and of love.  Grant me with wisdom and understanding toward all of those that come in and out of my life and that I might not know of their situation.”

THE CatMan

PS enjoy the other blogs included with these pics!  (even more interesting-ness)